I just checked the email account associated with the blog and was amazed to see comments that we have gotten recently from readers wanting updates. I apologize for the MONTHS that have gone by without postings!
Where to start? It has been a hell of a year. I have dealt with more than my share of crap. However, it is December, and I am BLESSED. My divorce was final in August. I got a great new job in March and I LOVE IT. My children are happy and healthy. AND...
Steven and I are still together.
Don't get me wrong, I won't sugar coat it. We have had a ROUGH time. Taking my marital status from married to single while his has remained married has just about wrecked us. However, he is working on his end of it, and one of these days y'all are going to see a post that I have been DYING to write for months and months...one about how we are finally US.
My life changed the day I met Steven, and we belong together. We are so fucking stubborn and terrible to each other sometimes. I look at him and feel a love like no other. I crave him. I need him. We need each other. It is complicated...our love and our fighting is best explained like a line in an Eminem song..."That's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano".
I believe that all things happen when they are supposed to. And it is exciting to be on the verge of something so BIG. It is scary too. I wonder things...like will his kids like me? Will my kids and his kids like each other? Are we trying to do the impossible? And then I stop. NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE. When my skin touches his skin, my mouth tastes his mouth, my eyes look into his...I know. I just know. I am going to look back at this post next Christmas and be amazed at what we will do in 2011.
THANK YOU for reading us, for thinking of us, for following our story. We still have hot amazing sex. We have become quite tame lately...spending lots of time at my house, enjoying intimate dinners out, craving each other instead of an audience. We go through phases...and right now we are kind of in a survival phase. We are surviving. We need to nurture US more than anything. I know we will do crazy things again...we will most certainly have sex for an audience again...we will probably enjoy watching people at the swinger's club again...we are sure to come up with some naughty new adventures too.
We wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy 2011...stay tuned...there is more of us yet to come!
Missy
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Showing posts with label UPDATES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label UPDATES. Show all posts
Monday, December 6, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
2010 - A YEAR OF CHANGE
First things first. We are just fine. If you happened to read a dramatic and horrid post by me recently, and now it is deleted, know this: I wrote it in a state of anger and pain. I wrote it with raw emotion. And I wrote things that I shouldn't have. I wasn't telling it like it was. I am leaving it at that. I WAS WRONG.
Steven and I are great. Really great. This is going to be a big year for us. Massive changes are happening on my side...my husband moved out. My place of work abruptly closed down on New Year's Eve. I am exploring this foreign world of unemployment and single parenting. So far so good. I am tough. I haven't let myself throw a pity party for more than a few seconds, and I am pretty proud of that. I am being proactive with my life now. I feel a sense of freedom that I haven't felt in years. I feel like I am being the best mom I could possibly be. And I know that while things won't be easy, that I am headed in the right direction.
I also know that Steven and I are headed in the right direction. This period of time where he is still in his existing relationship and I have this new found freedom is sure to test us. HOWEVER, I can do this. We can do this.
If last night was a glimpse into what life with him would be like, I am not letting him go for anything. It was my first night at home, without kids. They were with their dad. And Steven came over to spend the night. We had the nicest evening together, enjoying "playing house" and not being in a hotel room. We went to dinner, had drinks together at home, watched TV (don't worry...he paused Biggest Loser to give me a real good fucking on the family room floor), and had a glorious night of sleep (and more sex) together.
It felt RIGHT. I could see it. See us. Now, I am not stupid...I realize that between the two of us there are a fuck load of kids. And I realize with a fuck load of kids that may or may not be around that having sex on the family room floor during Biggest Loser is probably not as likely. HOWEVER, it wasn't *that* aspect of it. It was the being real, doing real things, in a real environment that felt so right. So perfect.
I feel like we have turned a corner. December was fucking rough. I could not have had another hardship happen or it would have done me in. I am STILL wading through some hard stuff. However, the constant has been Steven. Yes, we fight and fight ugly. We are passionate, and sometimes in a bad way. Yet, he is there. He is always there. The day I found out that my workplace was closing, I called him crying. He was there in minutes holding me. That night he laid with me while I processed the whole thing and what it meant. He let me cry, be angry, and work through it. It was snowing that night, and amongst the dark cloud that I felt I was under, his warm lips amongst snowflakes by "our lake" made it all manageable.
We have been through more this past year than many people experience in years of marriage. Some of it has been beautiful. Some ugly. Some scary. Some exciting. All of it new.
This WILL be an amazing year. I can't WAIT to see where it leads us. I have SO MUCH that I am looking forward to. I am learning that I can't be a control freak all of the time. I have no idea where I will end up as far as a job goes. I have no idea what my living situation will be. I have no idea how the process of slowly merging our lives together will work. I have no idea how getting divorced will work. There are SO MANY UNKNOWNS!
And yet, I am relatively relaxed. Sometimes losing big things is what it takes to realize what is important. My kids. My health. My faith. My family. My friends.
My Steven.
Steven and I are great. Really great. This is going to be a big year for us. Massive changes are happening on my side...my husband moved out. My place of work abruptly closed down on New Year's Eve. I am exploring this foreign world of unemployment and single parenting. So far so good. I am tough. I haven't let myself throw a pity party for more than a few seconds, and I am pretty proud of that. I am being proactive with my life now. I feel a sense of freedom that I haven't felt in years. I feel like I am being the best mom I could possibly be. And I know that while things won't be easy, that I am headed in the right direction.
I also know that Steven and I are headed in the right direction. This period of time where he is still in his existing relationship and I have this new found freedom is sure to test us. HOWEVER, I can do this. We can do this.
If last night was a glimpse into what life with him would be like, I am not letting him go for anything. It was my first night at home, without kids. They were with their dad. And Steven came over to spend the night. We had the nicest evening together, enjoying "playing house" and not being in a hotel room. We went to dinner, had drinks together at home, watched TV (don't worry...he paused Biggest Loser to give me a real good fucking on the family room floor), and had a glorious night of sleep (and more sex) together.
It felt RIGHT. I could see it. See us. Now, I am not stupid...I realize that between the two of us there are a fuck load of kids. And I realize with a fuck load of kids that may or may not be around that having sex on the family room floor during Biggest Loser is probably not as likely. HOWEVER, it wasn't *that* aspect of it. It was the being real, doing real things, in a real environment that felt so right. So perfect.
I feel like we have turned a corner. December was fucking rough. I could not have had another hardship happen or it would have done me in. I am STILL wading through some hard stuff. However, the constant has been Steven. Yes, we fight and fight ugly. We are passionate, and sometimes in a bad way. Yet, he is there. He is always there. The day I found out that my workplace was closing, I called him crying. He was there in minutes holding me. That night he laid with me while I processed the whole thing and what it meant. He let me cry, be angry, and work through it. It was snowing that night, and amongst the dark cloud that I felt I was under, his warm lips amongst snowflakes by "our lake" made it all manageable.
We have been through more this past year than many people experience in years of marriage. Some of it has been beautiful. Some ugly. Some scary. Some exciting. All of it new.
This WILL be an amazing year. I can't WAIT to see where it leads us. I have SO MUCH that I am looking forward to. I am learning that I can't be a control freak all of the time. I have no idea where I will end up as far as a job goes. I have no idea what my living situation will be. I have no idea how the process of slowly merging our lives together will work. I have no idea how getting divorced will work. There are SO MANY UNKNOWNS!
And yet, I am relatively relaxed. Sometimes losing big things is what it takes to realize what is important. My kids. My health. My faith. My family. My friends.
My Steven.
Friday, December 11, 2009
WE ARE STILL HERE!
I apologize for the lack of posts the past few weeks. Several things have been taking my time...a few health issues, work, life.
I am happy to report that all is well with us...Steven and I are spending the night together tomorrow night (YAY!!) and we have had a couple of other overnight visits in the past week. I am eternally grateful that he is able to make this work. Right now, more than ever, I need HIM and US.
Going through the motions of the holidays has been draining. There is this cloud looming over every tradition that my husband and I do with our kids that is screaming "THE LAST TIME!" and it is hard to ignore it. However, I am appreciative for this time to create those memories, to continue what we have always done as a family, and to know that I will continue to do special things with my kids, as will my husband. Traditions don't have to go away, they can just look a little different, and that is good too.
Steven has made some great progress within his marriage, and working towards major changes as well. We have such different situations, but the bottom line is that we both need to be happy, and we are in marriages that aren't providing that happiness. The great thing is, that even though it is HARD, our spouses essentially feel the same, and it isn't some horrid shock to anyone.
I have a job that gets intense this time of year...10 months out of the year I can pretty much be very part time and work when I please. November and December are a different story, and the next two weeks might possibly kill me! No, really, I love it, but it is physically and mentally taxing right now.
So...that is the majority of it...I will get back to posting more soon. I have stories...just because life is busy doesn't mean we aren't still up to no good...Swinger's Club, we bought nipple clamps that we haven't played with yet, an interesting visit to the Porn Theater, and the fact that I am really liking being on top when we have sex lately...
OH! And hopefully I will have an HNT up next week!
Take care!
Missy
I am happy to report that all is well with us...Steven and I are spending the night together tomorrow night (YAY!!) and we have had a couple of other overnight visits in the past week. I am eternally grateful that he is able to make this work. Right now, more than ever, I need HIM and US.
Going through the motions of the holidays has been draining. There is this cloud looming over every tradition that my husband and I do with our kids that is screaming "THE LAST TIME!" and it is hard to ignore it. However, I am appreciative for this time to create those memories, to continue what we have always done as a family, and to know that I will continue to do special things with my kids, as will my husband. Traditions don't have to go away, they can just look a little different, and that is good too.
Steven has made some great progress within his marriage, and working towards major changes as well. We have such different situations, but the bottom line is that we both need to be happy, and we are in marriages that aren't providing that happiness. The great thing is, that even though it is HARD, our spouses essentially feel the same, and it isn't some horrid shock to anyone.
I have a job that gets intense this time of year...10 months out of the year I can pretty much be very part time and work when I please. November and December are a different story, and the next two weeks might possibly kill me! No, really, I love it, but it is physically and mentally taxing right now.
So...that is the majority of it...I will get back to posting more soon. I have stories...just because life is busy doesn't mean we aren't still up to no good...Swinger's Club, we bought nipple clamps that we haven't played with yet, an interesting visit to the Porn Theater, and the fact that I am really liking being on top when we have sex lately...
OH! And hopefully I will have an HNT up next week!
Take care!
Missy
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