...and it is never the same.
Sometimes it is fucking. Sometimes it is making love. Sometimes it is sex.
And it is always so good.
We kiss. We lick. We grab. We taste. We move. We communicate. We adjust our bodies almost as if we have choreographed it, but we haven't. I used to think there were only a few positions to have sex in. There are dozens. A little lift here, a stretch there, a turn this way...sometimes the slightest, most random moves can end up being really great positions.
He tells me what to do. Sometimes I get bossy myself. He tells me to suck his cock...instead I climb on it and ride it for a few, and THEN suck on it...tasting US inside my mouth.
He knows when to grab my hair. He knows when to be rough. When to be soft. When I need more kisses. When I need more ass slapping.
Sometimes he tells me to cum. Sometimes I tell him to cum. Sometimes we do it in unison. Sometimes we don't.
I know that he likes to see what we are doing in the mirror. He knows that if his head is between my legs and I want his tongue higher or lower that I will gently touch his face and move it to where it feels like perfection.
He knows that if I start crying during sex, that it is not a bad thing. It is simply an overwhelming feeling of intense emotions that I can't contain. He knows that if I am mid orgasm and tell him that I hate him, that I really mean I AM UNABLE TO COMPREHEND HOW GOOD HE MAKES ME FEEL AND WHERE WAS HE A DECADE AGO?
I like being his good girl. His bad girl. His dirty girl. His freaky girl. HIS girl.
Sometimes I smother him with affection and it is too much for him. Sometimes he sticks his finger in my belly button and it pisses me off.
We love each other with such depth. Such intensity. We breathe each other in as if the other is a drug and we need another hit.
Waking up next to him, feeling his skin, smelling his hair, kissing his sleepy mouth...it reminds me how blessed I am. I have a best friend that I can share anything with. He gets my sense of humor, my sexual needs, and all that is me more than anyone in the world.
I love him. So. Damn. Much.
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Showing posts with label MAKING LOVE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MAKING LOVE. Show all posts
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Monday, October 5, 2009
IF ONLY LIFE HAD A REMOTE CONTROL
Sometimes I wish that life came with a remote control.
I would like the option to hit pause, and enjoy my kids at certain ages and stages just a little longer. I would like to hit stop, and then rewind when I make a bad decision. I would like to hit stop when things are just too hard, and play again when I feel strong enough to do so. And I would like to hit play when things are going just perfect and I can continue along.
Right now I would love to hit fast forward.
My life is daunting to me at this moment. The past 5 days were glorious. My husband was out of town (this never happens), and I had a good taste of what being the only parent felt like. And I am beyond capable. I sell myself short. I don't need anyone.
Steven and I enjoyed the added time that was available, and spent a few hours on Thursday afternoon and Friday morning together at my house. The kids were at school, and we enjoyed just having mellow "real" time. Time that wasn't in a hotel room. Talking, looking at pictures, just hanging out. Don't get me wrong...you know that the opportunity was taken to have sex...bent over the bathroom counter, looking in the mirror that is in my headboard...good intense, efficient sex. What I refer to as GOOD FUCKING.
We had Saturday evening together as well...all night. Grandma took my kids, and he was able to finagle a work excuse to not go home. We had an evening that started with great lovemaking, followed by an amazing dinner, drinks, dancing, and just really enjoying each other. The night ended with singing and dancing in the rain by our lake, and then retreating to our hotel room for more great sex, and sleeping next to each other which is a real luxury. The night was so perfect that I am choosing to leave the description at this...sometimes things are too intimate, too special, and too US for words.
So, here we are. Monday night. And while I would love to rewind and have the past 5 days happen again, I would also like to hit fast forward. AN ENTIRE YEAR.
I took a huge leap today. HUGE. I spent the day with my parents, and finally had the courage to tell them about the state of my marriage. I was very honest. They weren't surprised...I have eluded to marital issues all year. However, this afternoon I told them everything. Of course I did not share anything about Steven (or any other affairs that I have had). I shared what have been my issues. It took a lot for me to say them out loud. To say I HAVE A HUSBAND THAT IS A HARD WORKER, A GREAT FATHER, BUT IS NOT MEETING MY NEEDS AS A HUSBAND. HE HAS A GAMBLING ADDICTION. HE HAS SEXUAL ISSUES THAT HE REFUSES TO SEE A DOCTOR FOR. I HAVE BEEN LONELY, REJECTED, AND UNHAPPY FOR AWHILE. The night before he went out of town last week I had been feeling under the weather and asked him to rub my back and lay with me so I could fall asleep. His response was that he couldn't play poker online and do that. This is just one example of ways that this marriage is not much of a marriage anymore.
My family has always adored my husband. I know that my siblings have thought of him as a sibling, and my parents have thought of him as a son. He has been in our lives since I was 16. They see him with our children, and admire what a wonderful father he is. They see him tirelessly work hard for our family. And I get this. He is a great guy. A nice guy. However, he isn't enough for me. He isn't what is best for me. We have had a broken marriage for years, and I am done with the acting. The fakeness. The acting. It is time to face the music and take care of me for once.
So, there I was. Sitting outside on a beautiful fall day, crying. Talking to my parents. And their response and reaction was completely different than I had anticipated. I was prepared for them to encourage counseling. To tell me to pray about it. To tell me that I could do this, that we just needed to work harder.
Instead I received more support than I could have imagined. It wasn't even suggested that staying together was an option. They both said that they saw this coming. I was encouraged to be responsible and to start saving money. To think about me. To take care of myself. And after I got home this evening, my mother called to tell me to keep talking, remember to take care of myself, and that they loved me.
I sat on the stairs, hiding from my kids, and cried. I feel like this was one of my biggest challenges, and I did it. I have family support. I am loved. I can do this.
I wish that I could see ahead a year. See what my life will be like. What my relationship with Steven will look like. The amount of unknowns scares me. I like organization. Things to be lined out. Schedules. Plans. And NONE of that happens in situations like these.
I don't want to be a single parent. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be without a spouse. I don't want to be financially in a worse position. I don't want to adjust my lifestyle drastically from how it is now. I want to wave a wand, and POOF...have Steven in the place of my husband. And life happily ever after. I want to avoid the messiness that is ahead of me.
And I can't. I can't. While in my heart I know that what I am doing is for ME and not for Steven, I would be lying to say that he isn't a factor. It would be real easy to continue living how I am. I could trade the marital issues in exchange for the comforts of everything else. I could continue as is. My husband has said to do what I need to do (like have an affair) as long as I am not blatant about it. I could keep that up. I could keep my children with both of their parents. I would be lying if I didn't admit that knowing that I have a future with Steven isn't a big motivator.
Yet, I need to take care of me. I need out. I need a new start. I need to do this right. I want a marriage done right. More than anything. I know in my heart that I am meant to be with Steven. There is no doubt. And I know that it will happen. I have moments of doubt...moments that I worry he will just say fuck it, and decide that his marriage isn't that bad. That he can stick it out and stay married until his kids are older. That I am not what he needs. That this is too hard.
I have to trust that things will happen the way they are supposed to. I have to trust that regardless of my relationship with Steven, that I am doing what I need to do, for me. I have to realize that I have a great support system within my family and a few of my friends.
I need to remember to breathe, and that fast forwarding isn't an option. I need to work towards a divorce that impacts my children minimally. I need to think about myself and what I need.
I need to trust that Steven and I will look back on these trying time and know that we did the right thing, for the right reasons, and that it was worth it. And when that time comes, I want to relish it. And most likely I will want to hit pause and savor that moment, and then hit play so that we can continue our lives. Together.
I would like the option to hit pause, and enjoy my kids at certain ages and stages just a little longer. I would like to hit stop, and then rewind when I make a bad decision. I would like to hit stop when things are just too hard, and play again when I feel strong enough to do so. And I would like to hit play when things are going just perfect and I can continue along.
Right now I would love to hit fast forward.
My life is daunting to me at this moment. The past 5 days were glorious. My husband was out of town (this never happens), and I had a good taste of what being the only parent felt like. And I am beyond capable. I sell myself short. I don't need anyone.
Steven and I enjoyed the added time that was available, and spent a few hours on Thursday afternoon and Friday morning together at my house. The kids were at school, and we enjoyed just having mellow "real" time. Time that wasn't in a hotel room. Talking, looking at pictures, just hanging out. Don't get me wrong...you know that the opportunity was taken to have sex...bent over the bathroom counter, looking in the mirror that is in my headboard...good intense, efficient sex. What I refer to as GOOD FUCKING.
We had Saturday evening together as well...all night. Grandma took my kids, and he was able to finagle a work excuse to not go home. We had an evening that started with great lovemaking, followed by an amazing dinner, drinks, dancing, and just really enjoying each other. The night ended with singing and dancing in the rain by our lake, and then retreating to our hotel room for more great sex, and sleeping next to each other which is a real luxury. The night was so perfect that I am choosing to leave the description at this...sometimes things are too intimate, too special, and too US for words.
So, here we are. Monday night. And while I would love to rewind and have the past 5 days happen again, I would also like to hit fast forward. AN ENTIRE YEAR.
I took a huge leap today. HUGE. I spent the day with my parents, and finally had the courage to tell them about the state of my marriage. I was very honest. They weren't surprised...I have eluded to marital issues all year. However, this afternoon I told them everything. Of course I did not share anything about Steven (or any other affairs that I have had). I shared what have been my issues. It took a lot for me to say them out loud. To say I HAVE A HUSBAND THAT IS A HARD WORKER, A GREAT FATHER, BUT IS NOT MEETING MY NEEDS AS A HUSBAND. HE HAS A GAMBLING ADDICTION. HE HAS SEXUAL ISSUES THAT HE REFUSES TO SEE A DOCTOR FOR. I HAVE BEEN LONELY, REJECTED, AND UNHAPPY FOR AWHILE. The night before he went out of town last week I had been feeling under the weather and asked him to rub my back and lay with me so I could fall asleep. His response was that he couldn't play poker online and do that. This is just one example of ways that this marriage is not much of a marriage anymore.
My family has always adored my husband. I know that my siblings have thought of him as a sibling, and my parents have thought of him as a son. He has been in our lives since I was 16. They see him with our children, and admire what a wonderful father he is. They see him tirelessly work hard for our family. And I get this. He is a great guy. A nice guy. However, he isn't enough for me. He isn't what is best for me. We have had a broken marriage for years, and I am done with the acting. The fakeness. The acting. It is time to face the music and take care of me for once.
So, there I was. Sitting outside on a beautiful fall day, crying. Talking to my parents. And their response and reaction was completely different than I had anticipated. I was prepared for them to encourage counseling. To tell me to pray about it. To tell me that I could do this, that we just needed to work harder.
Instead I received more support than I could have imagined. It wasn't even suggested that staying together was an option. They both said that they saw this coming. I was encouraged to be responsible and to start saving money. To think about me. To take care of myself. And after I got home this evening, my mother called to tell me to keep talking, remember to take care of myself, and that they loved me.
I sat on the stairs, hiding from my kids, and cried. I feel like this was one of my biggest challenges, and I did it. I have family support. I am loved. I can do this.
I wish that I could see ahead a year. See what my life will be like. What my relationship with Steven will look like. The amount of unknowns scares me. I like organization. Things to be lined out. Schedules. Plans. And NONE of that happens in situations like these.
I don't want to be a single parent. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be without a spouse. I don't want to be financially in a worse position. I don't want to adjust my lifestyle drastically from how it is now. I want to wave a wand, and POOF...have Steven in the place of my husband. And life happily ever after. I want to avoid the messiness that is ahead of me.
And I can't. I can't. While in my heart I know that what I am doing is for ME and not for Steven, I would be lying to say that he isn't a factor. It would be real easy to continue living how I am. I could trade the marital issues in exchange for the comforts of everything else. I could continue as is. My husband has said to do what I need to do (like have an affair) as long as I am not blatant about it. I could keep that up. I could keep my children with both of their parents. I would be lying if I didn't admit that knowing that I have a future with Steven isn't a big motivator.
Yet, I need to take care of me. I need out. I need a new start. I need to do this right. I want a marriage done right. More than anything. I know in my heart that I am meant to be with Steven. There is no doubt. And I know that it will happen. I have moments of doubt...moments that I worry he will just say fuck it, and decide that his marriage isn't that bad. That he can stick it out and stay married until his kids are older. That I am not what he needs. That this is too hard.
I have to trust that things will happen the way they are supposed to. I have to trust that regardless of my relationship with Steven, that I am doing what I need to do, for me. I have to realize that I have a great support system within my family and a few of my friends.
I need to remember to breathe, and that fast forwarding isn't an option. I need to work towards a divorce that impacts my children minimally. I need to think about myself and what I need.
I need to trust that Steven and I will look back on these trying time and know that we did the right thing, for the right reasons, and that it was worth it. And when that time comes, I want to relish it. And most likely I will want to hit pause and savor that moment, and then hit play so that we can continue our lives. Together.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
MAKING LOVE
I have sex on the brain. IMAGINE THAT!
Steven and I have a hotel date tomorrow night, and I can't wait! We always have great sex, whether it is as vanilla as vanilla gets, or down right naughty and freaky, I love it all.
Something is up with me though...could be the feel of Fall in the air, could be any number of things. Whatever it is, I can't stop thinking about what I want to do tomorrow night! I was out to lunch with my sons today, and then a quick trip to Target, and I was OBSESSING over thoughts of what tomorrow night will be like. "No honey, we aren't buying a toy gun that shoots marshmallows" (mmmmm...I want to sit on his face tomorrow night) "Do we need toilet paper?" (maybe he will bite me a little...I do like that...) "Let's get in line over here." (MAN I WANT TO FUCK HIM SO BAD!)
Yes...that was my thought pattern.
We talked on the phone quite a bit today, and he knows I am HUNGRY for him. I told him I wanted to play with fisting some more tomorrow...he promised to lick and suck and tease and get me good and ready for it. I have images of the time we did it...the vibrator on my clit, his hand in me...mmmmm...
I really want to spend time on his cock too. In my mouth. Maybe he wants to try that little vibrator around (or in) his ass again? Lots of lube on his balls...my hands swirling around them as I suck on his hardness.
I am also in a photography mood. I have visions of some really sexy pictures of him...and I want to play with black and white. Sometimes taking the color out really emphasises the subject...I love taking pictures of him...of us...
Porn sounds fun too. Maybe we will find a little to watch online...just for kicks. It isn't always that arousing to me, but sometimes it is. It just depends. I wouldn't mind watching some together, we haven't done much lately.
I want every position tomorrow. I keep thinking about being on top...we had some good, intense sex earlier this week where I was on top, but laying on him...my fingers working my clit while he slid in and out...it ended in a very intense orgasm. The eye contact was great. I want some hard fucking from behind...I am thinking about bent over the bathroom counter so Steve can watch in the mirror. I want to be on top some. I want him on top. I want some slow, soft, heavy eye contact and sweet conversation sex too.
I want to lay next to Steve, and run my fingers all over his neck and back. Gently rubbing his body. Sometimes when I do this, I feel as if I am transferring the love that I feel for him through my fingertips and into his body. That sometimes it is more meaningful to touch him like I love him than telling him I love him.
I never grasped the term "MAKING LOVE" completely until now. All of a sudden I get it. That is what we do! Us! Steven and Missy! Making love! I get it I get it I get it! I want to shout it to the neighbors...the cars on the road...my employees...my cats...the people at Starbucks..."Can I get a iced grande nonfat mocha, and OH BY THE WAY I NOW KNOW WHY PEOPLE CALL IT MAKING LOVE!"
Ahhhhh....what a wonderful feeling...details of tomorrow night will surely be posted...I can't wait to kiss my sexy man and to wear us both out sexually! Is that possible? Hehe...
Life is good.
Steven and I have a hotel date tomorrow night, and I can't wait! We always have great sex, whether it is as vanilla as vanilla gets, or down right naughty and freaky, I love it all.
Something is up with me though...could be the feel of Fall in the air, could be any number of things. Whatever it is, I can't stop thinking about what I want to do tomorrow night! I was out to lunch with my sons today, and then a quick trip to Target, and I was OBSESSING over thoughts of what tomorrow night will be like. "No honey, we aren't buying a toy gun that shoots marshmallows" (mmmmm...I want to sit on his face tomorrow night) "Do we need toilet paper?" (maybe he will bite me a little...I do like that...) "Let's get in line over here." (MAN I WANT TO FUCK HIM SO BAD!)
Yes...that was my thought pattern.
We talked on the phone quite a bit today, and he knows I am HUNGRY for him. I told him I wanted to play with fisting some more tomorrow...he promised to lick and suck and tease and get me good and ready for it. I have images of the time we did it...the vibrator on my clit, his hand in me...mmmmm...
I really want to spend time on his cock too. In my mouth. Maybe he wants to try that little vibrator around (or in) his ass again? Lots of lube on his balls...my hands swirling around them as I suck on his hardness.
I am also in a photography mood. I have visions of some really sexy pictures of him...and I want to play with black and white. Sometimes taking the color out really emphasises the subject...I love taking pictures of him...of us...
Porn sounds fun too. Maybe we will find a little to watch online...just for kicks. It isn't always that arousing to me, but sometimes it is. It just depends. I wouldn't mind watching some together, we haven't done much lately.
I want every position tomorrow. I keep thinking about being on top...we had some good, intense sex earlier this week where I was on top, but laying on him...my fingers working my clit while he slid in and out...it ended in a very intense orgasm. The eye contact was great. I want some hard fucking from behind...I am thinking about bent over the bathroom counter so Steve can watch in the mirror. I want to be on top some. I want him on top. I want some slow, soft, heavy eye contact and sweet conversation sex too.
I want to lay next to Steve, and run my fingers all over his neck and back. Gently rubbing his body. Sometimes when I do this, I feel as if I am transferring the love that I feel for him through my fingertips and into his body. That sometimes it is more meaningful to touch him like I love him than telling him I love him.
I never grasped the term "MAKING LOVE" completely until now. All of a sudden I get it. That is what we do! Us! Steven and Missy! Making love! I get it I get it I get it! I want to shout it to the neighbors...the cars on the road...my employees...my cats...the people at Starbucks..."Can I get a iced grande nonfat mocha, and OH BY THE WAY I NOW KNOW WHY PEOPLE CALL IT MAKING LOVE!"
Ahhhhh....what a wonderful feeling...details of tomorrow night will surely be posted...I can't wait to kiss my sexy man and to wear us both out sexually! Is that possible? Hehe...
Life is good.
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