THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS. WE ARE CRAZZZZZZZY.

Evidence of another wonderful night together...yes, we begged, borrowed, and stole to get a sleepover last night. And when I left the hotel room this morning, Steven sent me this picture on his cell phone.

This is sooooo us. I mean, really...the MOTEL 6 logo on the phone just really seals the deal on the white trash factor...combined with the energy drink, cigarette, lighter, vibrator, lube, RUSH, gum, and......drum roll.......STEVE'S WEDDING RING. Yes, that is right, because REMOVING THE RING BEFORE FUCKING MAKES IT...never mind. It just makes it not fall off when lube is involved. You thought I had some backasswards justification happening, didn't you?

Yeah...I am not THAT nuts. Yet.

Let's just tell it like it is.

We are a bit nuts. Not psycho, dangerous around kids, watch out or I will steal your cat, I talk to myself all the time, look at me wrong and I will bite you nuts.

Nope, not that kind of nuts.

Nuts as in WE ARE REALLY GOOD, UPSTANDING CITIZENS THAT HAVE JOBS, AND LOTS OF KIDS, AND MORTGAGES, AND SPOUSES, AND CHURCHES, AND FRIENDS, AND HOBBIES, AND WE CAN HOLD AN INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION, FIGHT A WICKED FIGHT, AND DAMN IT WE ARE CUTE....BUT....we have this inner freak, party it up, run around and be silly, let's pretend we don't have responsibilities, yes that is us with the loud rap music dancing in the minivan....nuts.

THAT kind of nuts.

I asked Steve this morning if I was his mid life crisis. He refused to answer because he said it is a really dumb question.

In a sense though, we ARE each other's crisis. Really.

Our love is not a crisis. Our sex is not a crisis. Having fun together is not a crisis. What is a crisis is that we have been FUCKING STUCK. FUCKING TRAPPED. FUCKING UNFULFILLED. And THAT my friends, is a CRISIS.

And until the day comes that we can be free to be US...we live amongst crisis. We cram a full blown relationship, complete with head over heels love, into a fraction of what legit couples have. We have sex with fervor, knowing that any sex we get at home is merely like a JELLO PUDDING CUP when we know that the MUD PIE FROM RED ROBIN is out there counting the seconds until we meet again. We fight like our lives depend on it, because sometimes I think they do. Why not freak out on the one that GETS IT THE MOST? The one that UNDERSTANDS? The one that has filled this huge void, yet when you are apart the void is bigger than any void that was there before?

People take SO MUCH for granted. I admit, I have been this way before too. Yet, when I woke up this morning with a throbbing headache from too many margaritas, I was APPRECIATIVE.

I was APPRECIATIVE of Steven's skin touching mine. I was APPRECIATIVE of the hangover, because it meant that we had a wonderful, wild, crazy night together. I was APPRECIATIVE of the bed, the sheets, the roof, the warmth, the room...because that is so much more than many, many people have. I was APPRECIATIVE of exhaustion...because what caused that was having sex for 2 hours in the middle of the night. I was APPRECIATIVE of Steven...thankful that he found me, thankful that we have each other, thankful that he is my future.

It is way too easy to take it for granted. Eleven years ago, I was a year into marriage with a new baby, working on buying a home, a decent job, and looking forward to a future of all that is bright and shiny. I was 19 going on 40. And I APPRECIATED none of it (except the baby). And after watching my marriage unravel, my sex life with my husband become bleak, and the realization that I went from a senior in high school to a van driving mommy overnight, I feel cheated. By my own doing.

SO...I am acting out a bit. Just a skosh. Steven is too. We pretend we aren't.

But really, we are.

And guess what? I am OKAY with being a bit nuts. And if this is more than a phase, I am okay with that too. If we become senior citizens that are having a few too many drinks on a Saturday night, stopping in at a Swinger's Club, and then having sex all night, WHO CARES? The reality is that we are both having needs met that have been neglected for years. Everything that we do is special, meaningful, precious. Everything we do is feeding us in some way, shape, or form.

We have so much fun together...I love being in public with him...I love seeing him get checked out by other women AND HE IS MINE and that feels amazing. I love how he makes me laugh. I love how comfortable we are together. I love that we are so intertwined with each other's lives that we often have to stop ourselves from talking about each other to our friends and families.

And I love how adventurous we are. I feel so free when we are together. I try new things. Last night I HAD MY FIRST FULL BLOWN FISTING EXPERIENCE. If you are into this, leave a comment...I want to know what other people think. I liked it. I wasn't sure if I wanted his hand moved a lot once it was in, but I certainly liked the feeling of fullness. There is certainly a level of trust and patience required, and it has a feeling of intimacy that is really hard to explain.

My only regret is that I wasn't completely sober. Next time I will be.

I have spent some time this morning reading about fisting, and what I have found is quite interesting. There is quite a bit of writing out there on the spiritual aspect of fisting. The first article I read talked about what the fist can be symbolic of from a biblical sense, complete with scripture to back it up. I was questioning this a bit, but kept researching (nerd that I am). What I found is that there are books on this, many articles, and dozens of personal testimonies from people seriously moved by the highly sensual yet spiritual experiences that they have had with fisting.

So...our two hour sexathon was amazing. All of it was great. I needed that. I haven't been with someone, ever, that I could just PLAY with for hours on end. Steve stays hard. Can cum when he wants and it isn't over if he doesn't want it to be. He is patient, and eager to please. He is excited to do it all, and loves making me happy. Steven absorbs all aspects of sex...he pays close attention, and humors me by recapping it to me when I ask afterwards.

I want to read more on fisting and do this again, ASAP.

Our finale was him cumming in my ass (he teases me because when we first met I said this was one thing I wasn't really crazy about...funny how things change...I have let him do it twice now...) while he was on top of me. This was the ultimate in intimate endings, a perfect way to end an intimate time in bed. Looking at his beautiful face, his eyes fierce with love for me, and feeling my body completely relaxed and surrendered to him...truly amazing.

Mid life crisis? Nah

Nuts? Okay, in some ways.

Building a future amongst an underground life speckled with incredible sex, crazy ass moments of juvenile behavior, good food and better drinks, Camel Lights, hotel rooms, lube, unknowing spouses, lots of kids, and above it all an incredible amount of love for each other? YES. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE ARE DOING.

A WEEKEND TO REMEMBER

WHAT AN AMAZING WEEKEND!

We somehow finagled two consecutive nights together...OVERNIGHT. Glorious! I am still warm and fuzzy from it!

It was a matter of the planets aligning or something...my kids were with grandparents, he had realistic work related reasons to be gone, and my husband just does not care. We met up Friday night...at this point we were only thinking we had one night together. We got a room, and met there. Of course we had to have sex first (which was great, as always...love that cum on the back / Steve licks it up and gives it to me action!) Then we went out for some excellent seafood and drinks, and then went back to the bar that is at the hotel where we were staying. This bar is somewhere that I have frequented quite a bit over the years, and there is this older, CRABBY lady that works there. And she was waiting on us.

NO ONE that I have EVER been there with has ever gotten this woman to crack a smile.

And guess what? Steven has this woman LAUGHING and JOKING and DANCING and SINGING and having a great time. That is just the kind of guy he is.

We went back to our room, had wild and crazy sex all over the place (we had drank a bit downstairs) and finally decided that the bed was overrated and ended up on the floor. Apparently I wanted it hard and fast, and was being pretty demanding...nothing like alcohol to make me bossy...and to make me want a good, hard fuck. I had turned on my laptop and loaded some old school rap ...Naughty By Nature...Biggie...a little Eminem...good sex music. I was impressing Steven with my extensive knowledge of lyrics to non-mommy music, and acting like a drunken goof. Make that a GANGSTA' drunken goof.

After that, we should have gone to sleep, but the great sex had me amped up. Steven was lying on the bed, and I reminded him that WE WERE NOT 50 and told him that we needed some Taco Bell. I drove us across the street, we ordered (I guess I was being obnoxious there too), and took our food to "our lake" down the road. TACO BELL AFTER DRINKS AND GREAT SEX IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE BEST THING EVER. We ate our food, and while standing outside by "our lake" I decided I had to pee.

BAD IDEA. I am not a camper. Not a nature kind of girl. Not a squat and pee in the wild woman. Nope. Not at all. Yeah...I thought I had nailed it...until I stood up and realized I had been peeing on the leg of my pants.

Fuck. Seriously FUCKING embarrassing. Steven thought it was HILARIOUS...laughed at me the whole way back to our room...thank goodness it was in the middle of the night because I had to walk through the hotel like this! I was ready to walk in my panties and t-shirt, but Steven had the sense to discourage this.

We snuggled up in bed, slept, woke up and had another round of great sex, and both of us headed off to work.

PERFECTION. Later on Saturday, circumstances arose that made a second night feasible. Sweet! I was soooooooo excited. BONUS!!

We met up after work Saturday, and got a room at the Motel 6. Now...here is what I have to say about Motel 6. We have used them for a few hours here and there. Never overnight. But...Friday night we had stayed somewhere nice, and decided to be a little bit fiscally responsible with night number two. Long story short...the employee that is always there when we have gone there is great. Always nice, always gives us a room in the part that I request. I had told Steven that we needed to bring her something...so, being how he is, he checks in, chats with her, basically tells her the situation we have, etc. She is down with being discreet...I am sure Motel 6 sees it all. That is just how they roll. So...she tells him that she had assumed that we were what we are, and I hook her up with some yummy baked goods, and we are surely on our way to being friends...she is discreet, we take care of her, she takes care of us, it's all good.

We get settled in our room, leave a candle burning to get rid of the MOTEL 6 ROOM SMELL, and go to this AMAZING PLACE that Steven discovered early on in our relationship. This bar has THE BEST BURGER IN THE WORLD, good drinks, great karaoke, an amazing outdoor garden type area, and it is no where we would run into anyone we know. We ate, drank, hung out, and then were at a loss with what to do next.

We had toyed with the idea of going to the Swinger's Club. I was down with it at first, but I was also tired...the night before had worn me out...the other dilemma was that the later it gets, the more it becomes active, and being there fully clothed and watching isn't really the best. Watching has seemed to be the best earlier in the night.

We went to another place that we frequent, stayed there a bit listening to the WORST karaoke ever, and left.

So, we went back to our room, and laid on the bed watching funny videos on You Tube, and just hanging out. After midnight we decided to go down the road to Applebees and get a drink, AND HERE IS WHERE I GET TO THE BEST PART OF THE ENTIRE WEEKEND.

We are sitting there in the bar, talking about this and that. We were talking about places that are "our places" and Steven brought up a park/lake that we have gone to now and then to hang out and talk, and have junk food picnics.

And while talking about this place, we talk about the first time we were there. There was no one around, we walked down by the water...talking, and kissing. We took some cute pictures of us on my cell phone, and all of a sudden Steven grabs a stick.

And writes that he loves me in the sand.

And I snapped a picture with my phone, and told him that no one had ever written that they loved me in the sand before.
He was shocked. It was the honest truth. Never.

So, there we are at Applebees, reminiscing about that, and Steve tears up. With tears in his eyes he tells me that it makes him sad to think that no one had ever written that they loved me in the sand before. That I was so great, how could that have never happened with another guy? And that at the same time, he was glad that he was the first. Of course seeing him be emotional and sweet and tearing up makes me start crying. Steve blots the corner of my eyes with a napkin and we hug...having our own little sappy moment in the bar.

Seriously, is this not the sweetest guy ever? I have never felt so completely cared for. So completely loved. So complete.

We go back to our room, get ready for bed, and snuggle up together. After an amazing night's sleep, we had mind blowing sex this morning with nearly simultaneous orgasms as a finale. Steven has read about pussy massaging (there is some fancy word for it that is slipping my mind), and ladies...this is fabulous! He rubs me all over down there with lube, and it is euphoric...relaxing, exciting, arousing, crazy good feeling. It is about more than rubbing where you know it feels good...it is about the whole area. And by the time he slid his hard cock into me, I was crazy turned on. I decided to use a vibrator on my clit, and FOUGHT LIKE HELL to not cum. I could have so many times, but wouldn't let myself. It built and built, and we kept going and going...VERY intense like. No switching around, no position changes, just good intense sex. And Steven playing with my nipples was incredible for some reason...it always arouses me but it was way more than usual. As much as I love eye contact during sex, I was so focused on my own body that I couldn't focus on him. I was starting to feel delirious with pleasure when I came, and it took a bit for the room to stop spinning afterwards. Seriously the MOST CRAZY INTENSE orgasm I think I have ever had.

14+ hours later I am still walking on air, smiling, giddy, and more in love than ever.

BLINDFOLDED...AND IN LOVE

Two weeks into our relationship we managed to sneak off for a night away together. Steve had a fantasy that he wanted to fulfill, and I was glad to participate.

I was under strict instructions to arrive at our hotel, and to be wearing nothing but underwear when he arrived. He also wanted the room temp warmer than normal, and a bucket of ice. I knew that he was going to do a bunch of random stuff that he saw on a movie that he liked.

I was ready for him when he arrived, and he proceeded to blindfold me. He had a bag of stuff with him...and I had NO IDEA what was coming. The next hour was a crazy, overwhelming sensory experience...feathers, ice, water, a vibrator, his mouth, his fingers, a whip...and I couldn't see any of it coming. I wanted to kiss him something awful...my body quivered with pleasure and anticipation.

As much as I loved every sensation that I was experiencing, I wanted HIM...I wanted to feel him in me, I wanted to kiss him. He knew that he was driving me CRAZY, and he was enjoying it.

When I couldn't take it anymore (and he couldn't either), our mouths met, the blindfold came off, and we were again one. WOW...it was amazing.

We went to dinner, had a couple of drinks, and then headed back towards our hotel where we stopped and got one more drink. We were enjoying each other so much, talking, laughing, kissing, forgetting the reality that we both lived in day to day. I was figuring out Steve...he was more than happy to share with me about everything and everything. I was learning about his family, his childhood, his religious beliefs, etc. I would come away from our time together with things to research (thank goodness for the internet)...I wanted to figure things out, figure Steve out. NEVER in my life have I researched as much as I have the past few months. He mentions that I might be submissive, I read for days on it. He tells me about something else, I am reading on that. I am growing as a person, and as a lover. I am learning about myself as an ADULT for the first time in my life.

The rest of the evening was filled with all night sex. I think we slept a bit here and there, I know that the third drink I had really did me in. I was silly tipsy...at one point sitting on the floor of the shower in our room, makeup running down my face, wanting to play with baby oil or something. I know I looked like hell, yet he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he found me quite amusing!

We giggled that we had only been together two weeks, and that we were staying the night, the WHOLE night, at the hotel that we had first met at two weeks prior. We kept calling it our anniversary, and talking about how CRAZY it was that we had only met such a short time before. At some point, we had started telling each other I LOVE YOU. And I knew that without a doubt, that I did love Steve. Completely. I know it sounds nuts...how could I, a married mom with two kids, meet some random man on the internet and fall in LOVE with him in a matter of days? It happens. And not only did it happen, it happened hard and fast.

I was pleasantly turned on by the marks on my ass from our adventures that night...and little bruises on my breasts...it was like secret tattoos to remind me of him...until the next time.