DEEP THOUGHTS ON SWINGING

So, the weekend before last we went to the Swinger's Club. And we saw the most action, up close and personal that we have seen there to date.

We have toyed with all kinds of scenarios, from threesomes to same room sex. I think that we have concluded that full blown swinging is not our thing. We are both too possessive, too needy, too damaged by our spouses to invite the potential issues into our relationship that swinging can bring. We have no desire to see each other with other people.

The idea of another woman has been toyed with, I think that with the right person and under the right circumstances that this could work. It would take a lot of prep work though, rules, expectations, goals, etc. It certainly could not be something taken lightly by either of us.

Same room sex is something that I think we could and would do in a heartbeat if the other couple seemed like a good fit and all were in agreement on the situation. We both like the idea of watching and being watched, and this seems like something that we would both find really hot.

So, when we were at the Swinger's club, there were a few different scenarios happening, and we were right in the middle of them. Fully clothed, non-participating, spectators. I liked watching female on female oral. I liked close up penetration views. I liked watching blow jobs. I liked watching boobs being played with by men or women.

I liked being around people that are so comfortable in their own skin. Seeing different bodies and appreciating them all.

I liked the sexually charged vibe that was around us.

And I liked that for us, it was foreplay. It was a great way for us to get REALLY turned on, and then devour each other.

However, what I liked the absolute MOST, now that I have had a week to think about it, was how I feel when I am in an environment like that with Steven.

I feel VERY safe. Safer than I have ever felt with anyone before.

The way his hands are always on me, whether around my waist, holding my hand, touching my arm. Feeling his presence puts me at ease. I appreciate the fact that he confidently can interact with people, and I have no fears of him getting us into a situation that I wouldn't want. I love that he knows what is okay, and what isn't, and we respect each other completely. I love that I feel taken care of, adored, and that it is always a JOINT experience.

Some of the women were there with men that were obviously really just into everything BUT their woman. I like that Steven and I can look at other people, appreciate the situation TOGETHER, but he isn't getting his kicks from THEM, we are getting them TOGETHER.

We are 10 months into this relationship. I don't think we will ever become sexually bored or in a rut. We are just such highly sexual people! And I love that we talk about ideas and scenarios and fantasies, and that they change. What I would have done 6 months ago is different today. I am *almost* certain that full fledged swinging won't become a part of US. However, I think that there are things we have talked about and haven't done, things we haven't discovered, and adventures to be had! The bottom line is that whatever we do, we do as a team, and we do it because we BOTH have something to gain from it.

I am growing into my own authentic sexual self, and that is fun. It is fun to have such a perfect match as a partner that is helping me to do this!

LOOK ALL YOU WANT HONEY, BUT HE IS MINE

So...nothing heals hurt feelings like great sex, right?

Like I said in my previous post, we met up Saturday night. Yes, we had our "white trash parking lot scene" in front of the Swinger's Club...this was the result of me being pouty and Steven being a brat (okay, I was being a brat too). And in the heat of our retarded dispute, I looked up at him (I was sitting on the curb) and LAUGHED. Uncontrollably LAUGHED. And Steve laughed. And we COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING! He grabbed my hand, we got in my van, and went to get more drinks, still laughing at HOW STUPID AND STUBBORN we both are. SERIOUSLY. We truly deserve each other.

Prior to this stupid fight, we had gone to dinner and arrived at the Swinger's Club. Going there allows us to have a sexual atmosphere, a private room, watch people doing all kinds of things, snacks, and just be together for $40.00. Hell of a deal versus a hotel room. We went in, wandered around a bit, and went to a private room a lot sooner than we normally would. WE NEEDED EACH OTHER. We needed to reaffirm our commitment to each other in a sexual way. Nothing heals the wounds of a fight like a good fuck.

We both needed it. Bad. I wanted it ALL...sometimes my body frustrates me because I can't figure out what I need. I told him to lick me, I had the URGENT FEELING that I needed to feel his warm mouth on my pussy. It was really odd for me to feel this so desperately. The great thing about us is that there is no hesitation. We both have no qualms in asking for something. We want to meet each other's needs, we want to make each sexual encounter exactly what the other person needed it to be.

We tossed and turned and switched around quite a bit, just not able to get enough of each other. We kissed and touched and grabbed and tasted and held and fucked and thoroughly enjoyed the way our bodies make us feel when they are together.

Sweaty, thirsty, and satisfied, we left (insert parking lot scene). After getting another round of drinks, we went back to the Swinger's Club. There was more action going on...sex in hot tubs, LOTS of naked people. At one point I was thoroughly enjoying watching a guy performing oral sex on a woman in front of everyone. I whispered to Steven that I wanted to touch her boobs, he said GO FOR IT, but I was too chicken. Maybe another time...

I wanted to give Steven a blow job right in front of people, but he wasn't feeling it...he later said that he wished he would have said yes. We met a few people, there was a lady that was there with her husband that was seriously checking Steven out. I like this...but my arrogant snotty side wants a t-shirt that says something like LOOK ALL YOU WANT HONEY, BUT HE IS MINE. Can you tell that we are not "lifestyle" people? I mean, we have our freaky sides, we have TALKED about dabbling in a few different scenarios, but neither one of us has any interest in SWAPPING. I can't with certainty say that we never will...I mean, in 6 months with Steven I have done things that I would have NEVER IMAGINED. So, never say never. He likes the idea of another woman with me, this is something that I would be open to. Basically, we are on a case by case, day by day, conversation by conversation basis. The appeal with joining a Swinger's Club for us was the environment, we both have voyeuristic tendencies, we both have exhibitionist tendencies (even TYPING THIS is hard for me because I still have not fully wrapped my mind around the fact that I really have enjoyed being watched). It also gave us a place to go where we could be alone, have sex, and be together. I have also recently expressed a desire to really watch another couple, and this is something that we are exploring. I want to watch another couple, start to finish, have sex. REALLY WATCH. It would be nice if they were both somewhat appealing to me, but that isn't super important. I just think it would be REALLY HOT.

So...we basically spent the rest of the evening getting really aroused, and at this point it was crazy late, we had both been drinking, and we decided to get a hotel room. HUGE ISSUE...there was some event going on and everything was booked! It was 3 am and we are WANDERING trying to find a stupid hotel room! Crazy. We finally did (shout out to the Clarion for being reasonable, high quality, and a great deal).

We showered, and got into bed damp, naked, sleepy, and horny. Great combo! And thus began a contortionist event that rivals the best directed porn out there. I was really in the mood to have my hand working my clit, which isn't my norm. I just had the urge! I kept apologizing to Steven, and he kept telling me to knock it off. I just feel bad when I do that, like he isn't enough. I have no problem having an orgasm (or several) from penetration alone. I don't need the clitoral stimulation to get off. When I am masturbating, this is the fastest, easiest way for me to take care of business. With a partner though, I rarely do this, it isn't necessary. That night though I just wanted that little extra something that playing with myself adds to sex.

We were going at it in every way possible, and at one point Steven had his fingers in me while I touched myself. I wanted more fingers! Please! It wasn't working with me being on all fours, in this position a couple of fingers felt like too much. I laid on my back, and with the help of some lube, Steven had four fingers working on me while I rubbed my clit. I had my left hand playing with his ass that was up in the air, and he had his left hand stroking his cock. He was backing into my lubed finger and I have to say this was incredibly hot. In this crazy combination of pleasuring ourselves and each other simultaneously, in the most awkward looking position ever (seriously a heap of extremities, genitals, and lube) we both had intense orgasms within seconds of each other. Steven came on my stomach, and here is the best part...

He gently licked up his cum and fed it to me with his mouth. HEAVEN. Seriously I find this so hot that words can't describe it. He tried this with me for the first time last week and my adrenaline was flowing to the point that I could have went for a run afterwards...and my ass DOES NOT RUN. Seriously, it turned me on something crazy. And there was such a sweetness to it. He was leery, and not too wild about it, but knew that it was something that I would enjoy. From his standpoint, he has a bit of a cum phobia, but he is working through it. In all honesty, his cum tastes amazing, and if it didn't I wouldn't want him doing this. However, I have tasted a guy or two and know that his is tasty, so it is great that he is trying this for me.

Anyway, after our contortionist masturbation/sex/teamwork event, it was some unreal hour in the morning, and we crashed. Waking up next to Steven and running my fingers up and down his bare back was exquisite. Laying in bed while he showered, ironed his work clothes, and got ready to leave was blissful. His sweet lips meeting mine as he kissed me goodbye was precious.

It is times like this that remind me why I am doing this. What I have gotten myself in to. What I have signed up for. We need each other. We are so good together. We complete each other. And when we are having stupid disputes over stupid things, I secretly like the fact that he has a backbone. That he stands up to me. Puts me in my place. Can hold his own. I have HATED being the dominant personality within my marriage. I have HATED knowing that I could push my husband around if I wanted to.

I am LOVING the fact that I have met my match...someone that can have a trashy parking lot fight with me, someone that can match my sexual appetite, someone that tell me to knock it off when I need to be told that.

And most of all, someone that loves me unconditionally. Someone that knows me in ways that other people don't.

Someone that I am crazy about.

I AM SO BRAVE

Masturbation is a beautiful thing!

It's Father's Day, and my husband and the kids just went to an antique car show, which left me ALONE.

And last night, Steven and I had a great time...so great that recapping in my head just now lead my fingers down my jeans, under my thong, where they rubbed and teased until I was breathless and quivering on the couch.

SO...fingers licked clean of my own juices, it's time to type about what was so hot in the first place, don't you think?

We met for dinner and a drink, and of course good conversation. Typical Steven and Missy. After that, we went to this FANTASTIC place that we stumbled upon last week...that is worthy of a separate post. It is this little beach area, that is private, and way amazing. We parked and walked down to it, and sat on a log kissing, watching the water, boats, bridges, etc. Steven unzipped his pants and let me enjoy his cock for awhile...something about the sound of the water, the breeze, and his hard warm tastiness was getting me seriously aroused. I wanted Steven, and he knew it, but that wasn't the place.

We left, unsure of what to do next. We had a couple of hours...and we were aimlessly driving around. We thought about doing something that we had done before...going to a hot tub place, a porn theater, a porn store, etc. Neither one of us were being decisive, and time was wasting.

Steven pulled into the parking lot of a swinger's club and suggested that we check it out. I PANICKED. We had talked about places like this before. Neither one of us have much interest in swapping, we have talked about threesomes here and there. I think the bottom line is that neither one of us has ruled anything out completely. I have done stuff with Steven that I would have NEVER thought I would do...and not only that, I ENJOYED IT. We are both highly adventurous, highly sexual, and the two combined can get interesting.

Steven parked the car and suggested that we go in and look around. He said that we could leave if we didn't like it, but that it might be fun to watch other people and then go into a room by ourselves. I WAS FUCKING SHAKING AT THIS POINT. I started giving him a million reasons why it was a bad idea...I had sand in my shoes from the beach. I was dressed super casual. I wasn't prepared. I hadn't thought about it long enough.

He knows me WAY to well. He pointed out that we had gone to a porn theater and had sex in front of others, and not only did I get over the fact that people were WATCHING us, but I upped my braveness a notch and asked him to take me back a few days later, where I found having sex with him in front of people VERY HOT. I still need to blog about this!

He pointed out that the porn theater was way skeezier than this place, and that because I WAS SO BRAVE, AND THE BRAVEST GIRL HE KNEW, that I could do it.

He had me. And he knew it. He knows that two things make me putty in his hands...telling me how brave I am and referring to me by first and last name...ONLY USING HIS LAST NAME, not mine.

And the adorable brat DID BOTH. "Come on Missy ___________. You are SO BRAVE."

Well, hell. Yes I am!

We went in, asked about membership, and signed up. Steven paid the annual fee and the admittance fee, and we were off.

To me, someone that is DIRECTIONALLY RETARDED, it was like a maze. A big sex maze. Hot tubs (inside and outside), showers, rooms...some with windows, some without. Couches, beds, rooms with porn on, a cage with a sex swing, food, pool tables, a dance floor with a stripper pole (that my goof ball of a man decided to try out for me...he is FEARLESS I tell you).

It was fairly early in the night, and while there were people there, there wasn't much action going on. We wandered the maze, and as time passed, things picked up. A goth looking chic was being blindfolded and cuffed to the cage, while another girl (who, by the way had this GREAT jacket on that I want) started whipping her back. We sat and watched that for a bit, and I was slowly relaxing.

It wasn't skeezy. It was just a bunch of sex freaks, like us! Everyone looked and acted normal, either interacting or minding their own business. In typical Steven fashion, he struck up a conversation with some people, I just listened (secretly beaming because I love this about him...).

There was some serious sex action in one of the rooms...there was a window that you could watch (and listen) through. Originally it was a couple, by the end of our visit it was full blown swapping action that was ENTHUSIASTIC.

We went into a private room and locked the door. There was an aquarium and a red light overhead...just the perfect lighting. Steven immediately stripped, and intermittently took pieces of my clothing off while kissing me (we later agreed that it was seriously great kissing).

When I was down to nothing but my bra, we went at it in typical Steven and Missy fashion. Blow jobs, kissing, him going down on me, me tasting myself off of his lips when he kisses me, him on top, from behind, etc. Seriously, we have ADHD sex, which is the ONLY way to go in my opinion. I never know what will happen next, and we never seem to focus in any one place or position for too long. LOVE THIS!!

We could hear the people in the room next to us having sex, and that made it even hotter. After I had cum several times, Steve asked if he could open our door. I said yes...and so he did.

I have NO IDEA who watched. I was too focused on how amazing his cock felt in me. At one point I glanced up and saw someone standing there, the next time I glanced up there was no one.

When I was GIDDY from great sex, Steven told me he was going to cum in my mouth, and man did he ever! It was more than a swallow for me...I had to gulp and then gulp again, leaving a slight cumstache which he kissed off.

He laid on top of me, his damp skin against mine. We kissed and kissed and kissed some more, and then got dressed.

We peeked in on the serious swapping action next door, and then wandered around a bit more...the cage now had two men and a woman in it, she was in the swing being fucked while sucking on the other guy. And now that I was over the whole SHOCK, it was no big deal. Like watching a porn, live. No big deal, right?

I have a suspicion, just knowing how I am, that I might warm up to this idea even more...the whole being watched thing is exciting to Steven. I am starting to understand that. I have always considered myself open minded, but am becoming even more so...to the point that two men together doesn't phase me, I can understand pain as pleasure, and that great sex can put me in a better mood than I ever thought possible. I am also learning to love my body. I have Steven to thank for this. He loves every inch just the way it is, and I am figuring out that he isn't just saying that. And that it is okay for me to love myself too.

The best thing about all of this, is that being with Steve is like stretching. You think that you have gone as far as you can. However, if you want to, and if you choose to, you can go a bit further. He NEVER pushes anything on me, and if I don't want to do something, that is it. End of conversation. However, he knows that if I just STRETCH, there are things that I would really enjoy. Things that I never would have tried. He has yet to be wrong...even if my legs are shaking, even if I am trying to talk myself out of something, I am ALWAYS glad that I have done it.

And just when I think that we have done it all, he gets this glint in his eyes, this boyish grin that melts my heart, smiles at me, and reminds me that I am SO BRAVE...and we are off on another adventure.

Yep. I am SO BRAVE.