NEEDS

I love when sex feels so completely amazing that you can't hold still. Last night I could not hold still. Steven's hard cock was filling me up, and I was squirming here, there, and everywhere. I wanted to keep feeling, keep cumming, keep enjoying. I was moving this way, then that way, then making sure every inch was deep inside of me. I wanted to touch him everywhere, and be touched everywhere. I wanted to feel submissive, yet in control. I wanted it soft and sweet, yet rough and demanding. I COULD NOT HOLD STILL. And when he came, it was equally as satisfying to me as all of my orgasms combined.

Sometimes you don't know what you need until after you get it.

Here is what I needed last night:

- A trip to Target with Steven. We split up so we weren't seen together...it was in a risky place. However...I love Target and I love Steven. Great combo.

- Dinner at Red Lobster. Again high risk. And oh-so yummy. And my margarita was amazing.

- Cuddling in our hotel room while watching Biggest Loser. MY FAVORITE SHOW!!

- I needed to cry. I thought that I couldn't cry anymore. Telling my kids that my husband and I are separating was THE WORST thing I have EVER done as a mom. HORRIBLE. I will never, ever be able to erase the image of my oldest child's face as he absorbed the news. And so when I was laying with Steven, rubbing his back, breathing him in, I lost it. Completely lost it. Sobbing in his arms. And he held me, and talked quietly, and let me find comfort in his words and touch.

- I needed wiggly, good sex.

- I needed to have him sing to me and stroke my hair so that I would relax enough to sleep.

- I needed to sleep (even though it was restless) next to him.

- I needed to wake up next to him...actually, with his cock telling me it was time to get up...

Mmmmmm. What a GREAT night....

FISTING AND MORE

Yesterday was quite possibly a perfect day. I met Steven for a few minutes in the morning and stole some deep kisses...the kind that send blood flowing to your pussy and make you want to fuck right then and there. Then we met for lunch...ate and kissed and talked. We were dying for the evening to come so we could BE TOGETHER...we were both very horny, very needy, and watching the clock. We were teasing each other all day, talking about what we wanted to do to each other...driving each other nuts.

This is all fine and dandy...except I got careless and accidentally texted I AM HORNY to my very conservative, very frigid girlfriend instead of Steve. FUCK! I was MORTIFIED! I cleared it up by telling her it was meant for my husband, and then I told my husband in case she teased him about it later. Damn it! Thankfully it wasn't something more incriminating.

So...FINALLY...we are both off work.

We spent a few hours in a hotel room kissing, snuggling, eating pizza, and of course having sex. AND...I had wanted to play with fisting some more, and we did! And I did it! And it rocked! I was relaxed, and when Steven told me he was in me up to his wrist all I could think was THIS FEELS AMAZING! He was totally turned on by how I felt inside, and that when I climaxed he could feel the muscles contracting around his hand. I was unbelievably wet and soooooo turned on! He was really focusing on me down there, licking, sucking, feeling, teasing, working me up into a crazy sweaty orgasm. Steven has said all along that he loves every aspect of sex...the sights, sounds, feelings, tastes, etc. and he isn't lying! He was commenting on all of it...telling me how hot it looked, how good it tasted, how much he was enjoying it.

It is so hard for me to decide where I like Steven to cum...because I like it all so much. There is something really intimate about going home after being together and having traces of him still inside of me. There is something so hot about swallowing that I am unable to put it into words. However, last night I had the privelege of swallowing a load and having him shoot one on my back. I love how it feels as it hits my skin! It was funny, because he was pounding me from behind, and I was just about to tell him that I wanted him to cum on my back, when all of a sudden he pulled out and did it! We are so in sync sometimes it is scary.

We took a few pictures...watch for them on H.N.T.!

I am so in love. Sometimes I think it is a good thing that I can't SHOUT IT TO THE WORLD, because surely by now people would be sick of it! My Facebook status would be "SOOOOO IN LOVE" all the time...my Myspace status would be "I THINK STEVEN IS PERFECT!", and people would be nauseous after listening to me GUSH all damn day.

Oh, but the time will come...and obnoxious I will be. And I don't give a crap if it annoys people! If you have a good thing going on, tell the world, right? And if you don't...FIND A GOOD THING. He/She is out there. Somewhere.

I know this for a fact.

A WEEKEND TO REMEMBER

WHAT AN AMAZING WEEKEND!

We somehow finagled two consecutive nights together...OVERNIGHT. Glorious! I am still warm and fuzzy from it!

It was a matter of the planets aligning or something...my kids were with grandparents, he had realistic work related reasons to be gone, and my husband just does not care. We met up Friday night...at this point we were only thinking we had one night together. We got a room, and met there. Of course we had to have sex first (which was great, as always...love that cum on the back / Steve licks it up and gives it to me action!) Then we went out for some excellent seafood and drinks, and then went back to the bar that is at the hotel where we were staying. This bar is somewhere that I have frequented quite a bit over the years, and there is this older, CRABBY lady that works there. And she was waiting on us.

NO ONE that I have EVER been there with has ever gotten this woman to crack a smile.

And guess what? Steven has this woman LAUGHING and JOKING and DANCING and SINGING and having a great time. That is just the kind of guy he is.

We went back to our room, had wild and crazy sex all over the place (we had drank a bit downstairs) and finally decided that the bed was overrated and ended up on the floor. Apparently I wanted it hard and fast, and was being pretty demanding...nothing like alcohol to make me bossy...and to make me want a good, hard fuck. I had turned on my laptop and loaded some old school rap ...Naughty By Nature...Biggie...a little Eminem...good sex music. I was impressing Steven with my extensive knowledge of lyrics to non-mommy music, and acting like a drunken goof. Make that a GANGSTA' drunken goof.

After that, we should have gone to sleep, but the great sex had me amped up. Steven was lying on the bed, and I reminded him that WE WERE NOT 50 and told him that we needed some Taco Bell. I drove us across the street, we ordered (I guess I was being obnoxious there too), and took our food to "our lake" down the road. TACO BELL AFTER DRINKS AND GREAT SEX IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE BEST THING EVER. We ate our food, and while standing outside by "our lake" I decided I had to pee.

BAD IDEA. I am not a camper. Not a nature kind of girl. Not a squat and pee in the wild woman. Nope. Not at all. Yeah...I thought I had nailed it...until I stood up and realized I had been peeing on the leg of my pants.

Fuck. Seriously FUCKING embarrassing. Steven thought it was HILARIOUS...laughed at me the whole way back to our room...thank goodness it was in the middle of the night because I had to walk through the hotel like this! I was ready to walk in my panties and t-shirt, but Steven had the sense to discourage this.

We snuggled up in bed, slept, woke up and had another round of great sex, and both of us headed off to work.

PERFECTION. Later on Saturday, circumstances arose that made a second night feasible. Sweet! I was soooooooo excited. BONUS!!

We met up after work Saturday, and got a room at the Motel 6. Now...here is what I have to say about Motel 6. We have used them for a few hours here and there. Never overnight. But...Friday night we had stayed somewhere nice, and decided to be a little bit fiscally responsible with night number two. Long story short...the employee that is always there when we have gone there is great. Always nice, always gives us a room in the part that I request. I had told Steven that we needed to bring her something...so, being how he is, he checks in, chats with her, basically tells her the situation we have, etc. She is down with being discreet...I am sure Motel 6 sees it all. That is just how they roll. So...she tells him that she had assumed that we were what we are, and I hook her up with some yummy baked goods, and we are surely on our way to being friends...she is discreet, we take care of her, she takes care of us, it's all good.

We get settled in our room, leave a candle burning to get rid of the MOTEL 6 ROOM SMELL, and go to this AMAZING PLACE that Steven discovered early on in our relationship. This bar has THE BEST BURGER IN THE WORLD, good drinks, great karaoke, an amazing outdoor garden type area, and it is no where we would run into anyone we know. We ate, drank, hung out, and then were at a loss with what to do next.

We had toyed with the idea of going to the Swinger's Club. I was down with it at first, but I was also tired...the night before had worn me out...the other dilemma was that the later it gets, the more it becomes active, and being there fully clothed and watching isn't really the best. Watching has seemed to be the best earlier in the night.

We went to another place that we frequent, stayed there a bit listening to the WORST karaoke ever, and left.

So, we went back to our room, and laid on the bed watching funny videos on You Tube, and just hanging out. After midnight we decided to go down the road to Applebees and get a drink, AND HERE IS WHERE I GET TO THE BEST PART OF THE ENTIRE WEEKEND.

We are sitting there in the bar, talking about this and that. We were talking about places that are "our places" and Steven brought up a park/lake that we have gone to now and then to hang out and talk, and have junk food picnics.

And while talking about this place, we talk about the first time we were there. There was no one around, we walked down by the water...talking, and kissing. We took some cute pictures of us on my cell phone, and all of a sudden Steven grabs a stick.

And writes that he loves me in the sand.

And I snapped a picture with my phone, and told him that no one had ever written that they loved me in the sand before.
He was shocked. It was the honest truth. Never.

So, there we are at Applebees, reminiscing about that, and Steve tears up. With tears in his eyes he tells me that it makes him sad to think that no one had ever written that they loved me in the sand before. That I was so great, how could that have never happened with another guy? And that at the same time, he was glad that he was the first. Of course seeing him be emotional and sweet and tearing up makes me start crying. Steve blots the corner of my eyes with a napkin and we hug...having our own little sappy moment in the bar.

Seriously, is this not the sweetest guy ever? I have never felt so completely cared for. So completely loved. So complete.

We go back to our room, get ready for bed, and snuggle up together. After an amazing night's sleep, we had mind blowing sex this morning with nearly simultaneous orgasms as a finale. Steven has read about pussy massaging (there is some fancy word for it that is slipping my mind), and ladies...this is fabulous! He rubs me all over down there with lube, and it is euphoric...relaxing, exciting, arousing, crazy good feeling. It is about more than rubbing where you know it feels good...it is about the whole area. And by the time he slid his hard cock into me, I was crazy turned on. I decided to use a vibrator on my clit, and FOUGHT LIKE HELL to not cum. I could have so many times, but wouldn't let myself. It built and built, and we kept going and going...VERY intense like. No switching around, no position changes, just good intense sex. And Steven playing with my nipples was incredible for some reason...it always arouses me but it was way more than usual. As much as I love eye contact during sex, I was so focused on my own body that I couldn't focus on him. I was starting to feel delirious with pleasure when I came, and it took a bit for the room to stop spinning afterwards. Seriously the MOST CRAZY INTENSE orgasm I think I have ever had.

14+ hours later I am still walking on air, smiling, giddy, and more in love than ever.

CHRONICALLY HORNY?

Steven made the statement this week that conflict makes me horny.

Now, whether or not that is true is a matter of opinion. I am sure that his logic was that despite several conflicts between us this past week, I can't seem to get enough sex.

Last Saturday we had a crazy evening with great sex.

Sunday I went by his office for a nice desk fuck when he got off work.

Monday I masturbated thinking about him.

Tuesday we had a snarky conversation on the phone, and then I got off the phone and masturbated. And then proceeded to tell him about it.

Wednesday I met him at a hotel room...I was under the covers in thigh highs, garters, and a corset type top when he arrived. Yeah...that stayed on all of 2.58 seconds. I don't think that Steven quite understood that it takes TIME to put all of that stuff on. There should be a law that if it takes 17 minutes to put it on, you have to leave it on at least 17 minutes. Ohhhhh the torture that would bring....after a round of hot, intense sex, we went to dinner and came back. We had a wonderful couple of hours cuddling, laying together, and of course an amazing hour of sex...we simply could not get enough of each other. I had some seriously intense orgasms, and by the end I had cum so many times that the last one was a struggle...one that I wouldn't give up on though. It is NEVER too much.

Thursday I was home alone, mentally recapping the week's sexcapades, and naturally that aroused me, and being one to take full advantage of the empty house, well....yeah, I let some fingers wander into my warm wetness, and fingered myself. While NOTHING replaces a hard cock, sometimes the slow softness of my own fingers produces such a different orgasm that it is nice. Sometimes the hard aggressiveness of my hand produces an even different orgasm. It's nice to play around with this now and then.

So...here we are. Friday. One would think that I would feel immensely satisfied sexually. This afternoon I was organizing my bedroom and I found a washcloth that Steven had sprayed his cologne on for me. I held it to my face and breathed it in. Electric feelings surged to my pussy and all of a sudden I could feel my pulse in my clit. I looked at the clock. The kids were playing downstairs. I had to leave in 5 minutes for a hair appointment. I locked my bedroom door, laid on the bed, and touched myself while smelling Steve's cologne. No joke, it was a 2 minute deal. Crazy how the smell of him did that to me, and crazy that I am chronically horny for some reason.

Here is what I am going to do now. I am going to book a hotel room for tomorrow night. My darling Steven has arranged a night away. And I was going to be out anyway, which is perfect, because since I live in the boonies, it isn't unreasonable to crash at a friend's house after drinking...nor is it unreasonable to use this as a reason to not come home. And then I am going to wait. Stay busy. Try to avoid clock watching. And I am going to warn Steven that despite a week of great sex and masturbation, that I am needing more. More of HIM.

Thankfully, he matches my sex drive. Thankfully he is always willing, eager, and horny himself. I have never, ever, ever, ever been with a guy that can go and go and go again, and last and last and last some more. And now I have a guy like this and it ROCKS. Better still, he always finds it hot when I tell him about pleasuring myself. I love this too.

Here is my alarming thought of the week. I have read up on when a woman hits her sexual peak. And everything that I have read states 30-40, but mid thirties was pretty common.

What if that is true? What if this gets WORSE? I am 30. What if at 35 I am a raging crazy nympho that knocks down Steven and RAPES him? I guess you can't rape the willing, but still...the thought ALARMS ME that I could want even more sexual gratification.

And then I remember. I have been deprived. I have had years of not enough sex. Years of not good enough sex. And now I have it. I have a wonderful sex life with a wonderful man. So OF COURSE I want it more! He shows me new things, takes me to new levels of enjoyment. I miss him when we are apart, so I think about him, and about us, and that is arousing. NO WONDER I AM CHRONICALLY HORNY.

Back to the thought that conflict causes me to be horny. You know, as much as I hate to admit it, there is a smidgen of truth to that. Steven stands up to me. Fights back. Puts me in my place. Fights a good fight. Fair? Not always, but neither am I. So yes, this may turn me on a bit. I am married to MR. MELLOW-SMILE-AND-NOD-AVOID-CONFLICT-HIDE-FEELINGS. And it gets old. Fast. So when Steven and I disagree, or pick at each other for whatever reason, it may just make me want to fuck him that much more.

If we were under the same roof right now, we quite possibly could become the most unproductive couple EVER. Who needs to do housework when you can have sex? Isn't having sex a legitimate reason to miss work? Can kids go to bed at 4 pm? Would my friends understand if I had to cancel plans with them to have sex? Would I use safeway.com for groceries so that the time I would use actually going to the store could be used for sex? I am sure I could shop for clothes online while being fucked from behind...and Steven could enjoy a blow job while making work calls, right?

I could go on and on. While writing this, something has occurred to me though. MY BODY IS GREAT. I have battled my own body my entire adult life. I have battled weight. Health issues. Defects. More stupid issues than anyone my age should have dealt with. AND THIS SAME BODY IS GIVING ME IMMENSE PLEASURE EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND. How can I be mad at that? The same body that threw a surprise surgery my way 4 months ago today is making me smile. I LOVE IT. I love how much I enjoy sex, and the way my body and Steven's bodies are together.

And that silly question that I ALWAYS ASK Steven during sex..."Why does it feel so good?"...will ALWAYS have the same answer.

Because it's us.

H.N.T. - FOGGY MIRROR FUN

Aren't mirrors the BEST? We had a wonderful evening in a hotel room Tuesday night...I will post the details soon. Here is just a foggy glimpse of our time together!

FOGGY HAND PRINTS, WINDOWS, and LUBE..OH MY!

It is some crazy early time in the morning...maybe 4 am? We have stayed the night together at a hotel on the river. Our room is on a corner, with big windows looking out. We have enjoyed an evening of dinner and drinks, and sex of course. I was fighting a cold, and tossed and turned a bunch, paranoid that I would snore a bunch and keep Steve awake. We both woke up at some point...it was still dark out, and we had gotten a little bit of sleep. Without much conversation, we began again. Touching, kissing...

After a little bit, Steve told me to get up. I LOVE WHEN HE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO. I need to write more on this, because I like it so much. I really enjoy getting to stop being in charge for one part of my life, and to just hand over complete trust to him. So, I get out of bed. He directs me over to one of the large windows in our room. You can see the bridge, lights, the water, the darkness of the night. I stand next to one of the floor to ceiling windows, both of us naked.

Steven directs me, to put my hands up above me on the window, and he proceeds to enter me from behind. The cold glass fogged up around my warm hands, I could watch his body moving in and out of mine in the reflection of the glass. It felt so good, and so daring at the same time. The hotel we were in had a large event they were hosting that weekend, some sort of dog thing was going on. At one point we were both very aware that someone was walking their dog below us on the ground (we were on the 2nd floor), and could have looked up and watched the whole thing. For all I know, they did see us. We didn't care.

We continued this for awhile, while I enjoyed orgasm after orgasm...Steve's fingers moved around my body. On my hips, back, ass, around front to tweak my nipples, and then to stick his fingers in my mouth.

This whole thing was without conversation, other than when he told me to go to the window. When we moved back to the bed, we giggled at my hand prints that were left on the glass, and the fact that if the windows weren't cleaned, the hand prints would appear if the light was just right or if the room was foggy from the shower.

I grabbed some lube and began massaging Steve's hard cock. I slowly dripped some lube down on his balls, and played with those too. I was still naked, cuddled up next to his warm body, still feeling shaky from multiple orgasms, and in a bit of a fog. We had talked about ass play, prostate massage, and things of that nature at some point early in our relationship, and I knew that licking or touching Steve's ass turned him on. I slowly began doing this with my warm, slippery hand, using my other hand to stroke his cock. I was maintaining eye contact with him, reading his face, determining which direction to go by his reaction. He was so calm, so peaceful, yet so aroused looking.

I toyed with inserting a finger into him, and he nodded. Still stroking him, and fondling his balls, I moved my finger inside a little bit more. By his reaction, he was enjoying this. I continued my finger a bit more, and knew I had hit the spot. I gently moved the tip of my finger around inside him as his arousal and excitement grew. He grabbed his throbbing cock and began stroking it himself, while my finger action and ball rubbing continued.

With insane intensity, he came, shooting cum all over his chest in an incredible orgasm. He lay there breathing hard, almost stunned by it all. I gently removed my finger, and laid next to him, smirking. This was one of the hottest sexual experiences I have ever been a part of. There was such a mix of feelings that went with it. It was something new. It was a bit taboo. It was very, very intimate. It was sweet. Watching him experience such pleasure was moving to the point that I could have gotten teary eyed. It was overwhelming, tender, and amazing.

We laid there together, both in a post sex haze. After a bit, we got up and took a shower together, and then got back into bed without totally drying off. We curled up next to each other, kissing and murmuring about how amazing the whole thing was, and laughing at my hand prints. We dozed off in each others arms, both feeling complete and content beyond words.

If you look at the picture at the top of this blog, you will now understand the meaning behind it. Foggy hand prints on a window are AMAZING.

THREESOMES

THREESOMES. To have or not to have?

When I was in high school, I made friends with a girl named DJ that was a year older than me. She had parents that were "carnies", and during the carnival season, she was often left home alone. She was 16 at the time.

We immediately hit it off, and were inseparable. I was eager for a new BEST FRIEND...I had maintained my relationships with my best friends from childhood, but high school was so different. And while I had a lot of friends, I didn't have someone that I was super TIGHT with. Until DJ.

My mother immediately loved her...DJ would go to church with our family sometimes, we would stay at each other's houses overnight, we were together all of the time. DJ was very affectionate, at first it made me nervous. She would snuggle up next to me if we were watching TV, was always very touchy with me. It was always while we were alone, never in front of others.

The first thing I found odd was that when I would stay at her house, she would want to share a bed. So, we would sleep in the guest room together. Her parents were never home, we had this great house (they had money...and she was a spoiled only child) to ourselves and it was so FUN. She drove a nice sports car, and I got to drive it too. Her parents left her with plenty of money, she loved buying me gifts. It was exciting, fun, and new. And I thought that I had found the most AMAZING best friend EVER.

Our relationship started slowly...it was almost as if she knew what she wanted, and it was a grooming process with me. She would slowly push a little more affection on me each time we were together, and I wouldn't stop her. The first time she full on kissed me, I didn't object. In fact, I liked it.

Naturally, the relationship progressed. She had never been in a relationship with a female before, and was still a virgin although she had dated boys. I was not a virgin, I had slept with a couple of guys at this point, and continued to date boys.

We did it all. It was a full blown female/female relationship. In my head, it was experimental. Harmless. It was way more than that to DJ. At first, it was fun. We shared clothes, had a great time together, and had this secret sexual relationship on the side. Parts of it were hot, to be completely honest. I found her body attractive. Boobs are fun. She experienced her first orgasm while I was performing oral sex on her. It wasn't nearly as satisfying to me as having a cock in me and a wonderful male body touching me, but it wasn't bad.

A friend of mine invited us over one afternoon, he was out of high school, and we had met through an ex-boyfriend of mine. Somehow, the conversation had turned to sex, and DJ and I decided to borrow some porn movies from him. And at some point, someone suggested that we have a threesome. So...being young and horny, we did. It was weird...parts were hot, parts were not. I think if he would have been someone I was attracted to, it would have been much hotter. And there was no actual intercourse that took place with this...just everything else. I chalked it up to another experiment to add to my resume, and that was that.

My mom invited DJ to live with us for a few months that next spring, while DJ's parents were on the road. My mom couldn't bear the thought of sweet DJ living alone. So, she moved in, and shared my room with me. My younger siblings adored her, and she was very helpful with things at home. She would take my sister to basketball practice, help mom cook, etc. It was all good. Our physical relationship continued, and became a bit obvious. We had to lay low for awhile...I was scared to death. My mom walked in while we were laying in bed together, and my younger sister saw her kiss me once. Things became tense at home, and DJ moved out shortly after. I clearly remembered being in the car with mom, and commenting on a wedding dress in a magazine. She looked at me hard and said "BECOMING A LESBIAN WILL SQUASH YOUR DREAMS OF A WEDDING AND CHILDREN." For being very liberal, and very supportive of her homosexual brother, I was shocked. I was certainly NOT a lesbian, but what if I was? I certainly wouldn't have felt unconditionally supported. I confided in an adult friend of mine, who stabbed me in the back and told my mom that I was confused about my relationship with DJ. To this day I am still angry about this.

Our relationship changed at that point. I knew that she wanted more than I could give her. I knew that what had been "messing around" to me was much more to her. I was distancing myself from her, she was jealous, VERY JEALOUS, of the guys in my life. She became a bit controlling, I wasn't having it. We had AWFUL fights, it was mass drama. It was awful. I was almost depressed. I knew that I was not gay. There was no doubt in my mind. I think that I was, and am, sexually adventurous. I wouldn't go far enough to say that I am bi-sexual, but I would say that I am not opposed to sexual acts with a female. AGAIN, this follows my DABBLING nature.

DJ and I had one last ugly, intense fight, where she got a bit physical with me, and that was it. I was done. My home life was in shambles...my parents were having marital issues, and it was just a bad time for me. It was at that point that I felt like I needed to get away from high school. I cared about my job, my relationship with my boyfriend (now my husband), and that was about it. I elected to take college classes full time that next year, and to just be done with the high school scene.

DJ attempted to contact me repeatedly. I ignored it all. She would leave notes on my car when I was at work, saying that she was sorry, that I was the greatest best friend that she had ever had. It was pathetic to me. I was serious with a guy, working hard, and trying hard to forget her.

When I told my husband about her early on while we were dating, he was a bit bugged by the whole thing. He was quite the homophobe at this time (he still is somewhat). He didn't want the details, and I think that he probably hasn't thought about it much since then. He did meet her when we were first together, and when she started rubbing my leg while sitting next to me, I knew that I couldn't be around the two of them together. Again. And I wasn't.

I didn't hear from her for over 10 years...come to find out she had left the country for 5 years. This past year she contacted me via Myspace. I waited a long time to approve the friend request, and then finally did. I sent her a message saying that I was glad to be her friend online if she was willing to respect my privacy. She has moved back into the area, and I didn't want her showing up at my place of work or anything. She agreed, and was very kind in her reply. So, she has seen my kid's pictures, knows what is going on in my life. And I am okay with that. Not surprisingly, her sexual orientation is listed on her Myspace profile as BI-SEXUAL, and there are pictures of her and another girl posted on there.

What compelled me to write this post was a recent evening with Steven. We had both drank a ton...more than we ever had together. We had fun in our hotel room...sloppy crazy sexual escapades...randomness right and left. At some point, we had a drunken conversation about threesomes that I found very hot. Yes, I had the experience with DJ, and a couple of other situations (see my early postings), but that was different in my head. They weren't planned, with set limits, or rules.

I liked the thought of being with another woman and Steven, under the right circumstances. I don't know how I would feel about him actually having sex with another woman...I think that I could possibly have a hard time with that. As it is, I already get to live with the oh-so-pleasant knowledge that he has sex with his wife when she allows him to. And I am not crazy about that...and he is MARRIED to her for crying out loud. Yet...other stuff might be hot. It is definitely something to think about. It is so RISKY though, because you can't undo it. You can't take it back. It would have to be with just the right person, under just the right circumstances, and with just the right rules in place.

Apparently during this drunken conversation, I told Steven that I would have a threesome with him and DJ. Not sure what to make of that...do I really feel that way? Would I really? WHAT would make me say that to him? It seems so ODD to me now, thinking straight and completely sober.

I would love to hear any thoughts on this...is it worth exploring? Is it better just left alone? Steven and I are so naturally sexually adventurous, that I wouldn't say no to anything with him. So far I have done things that I am amazed by, and have yet to regret something we have done together. In fact, something that I was scared to death to do has now become very hot and exciting to me (watch for a post on this very soon)...so who knows?

As Steve likes to say to me...IF I DON'T KNOW, WHO DOES?

MORE THAN THE SEX...

Sunday morning ramblings...

It is more than the amazing sex that we have. Yes, don't get me wrong, the sex is VERY IMPORTANT. Our bodies love each other, crave each other. I can't get ENOUGH of Steven...I want to touch him constantly. We are both touchy people with non-touchy spouses. Needless to say, we are all over each other as much as possible.

However, there is so much more to US. The past two weeks have been hard. REALLY HARD. Dealing with issues, misunderstandings, the stresses of "real life" added to the stresses of "our life". Jobs, kids, spouses, obligations, finances...they add up. And if we were just FUCK FRIENDS, this wouldn't matter. At all. Yet, we aren't, so it all matters. We are deeply intertwined within each other's lives...knowing the ins and outs, the who, where, what, when, and why to all of it.

And sometimes, it is too much. Sometimes you pick at the one that you love the most because they are THERE. If my husband were more present, it would be easy to go after him. Yet, he isn't, and Steve is, and, well...fights happen. Mean things are said. Feelings are hurt.

Here is the deal with us. Deep down, we know this is what we want and need. Deep down, there is no alternative. We must be together. And fortunately, one of us is always ready to fight for us, and for our relationship.

And besides our wonderful sexual compatibility, and the fact that we are adventurous as all get out, it is the "other" stuff that really feeds me. I need the sex, I need the affection, I need the physical component. At the end of the day though, it is the love and friendship that sustains me.

Some of our best times are doing random things. Walking, holding hands. Going for a drive. Having a junk food picnic at a park. Talking over dinner.

And when I look at Steven, there is nothing that I don't love. Nothing that I would change. His personality is incredible...and so different than what I am used to. I am so used to having to carry the conversation, to being the social one. And when we are together, I can just be. Be quiet. Be whatever I want to be. Just be.

Steven's birthday was recently, and it was so NICE to get to be a part of it. It was a drawn out celebration...a gift a few weeks ago, lunch and sex at a cheap hotel on his actual birthday, and the next weekend we had a wonderful overnight adventure. Drinks, dinner, more drinks, and a sexathon at our hotel suite...playing in the 2 person bath tub, by the fireplace, the super comfy bed, watching porn, playing with toys (we have started our own collection). Every second of our 15 hours together was great. Just being in Steve's presence makes me a better person. Makes me love life more than I could have imagined. Throughout the night he got in several chatty conversations with strangers...our waitress, the bouncer at the bar, and some random Hawaiian that we smoked cigarettes with. And watching Steve being Steve is what is the BEST.

And when I woke up this morning, next to him, feeling his skin and warmth, it was yet another confirmation of what I have known for awhile now...

HE is it. HE is the one. HE is mine. And I will be grateful for what I have right here and right now, because that is SO MUCH MORE than I had before Steve.

I am one lucky girl.

BLINDFOLDED...AND IN LOVE

Two weeks into our relationship we managed to sneak off for a night away together. Steve had a fantasy that he wanted to fulfill, and I was glad to participate.

I was under strict instructions to arrive at our hotel, and to be wearing nothing but underwear when he arrived. He also wanted the room temp warmer than normal, and a bucket of ice. I knew that he was going to do a bunch of random stuff that he saw on a movie that he liked.

I was ready for him when he arrived, and he proceeded to blindfold me. He had a bag of stuff with him...and I had NO IDEA what was coming. The next hour was a crazy, overwhelming sensory experience...feathers, ice, water, a vibrator, his mouth, his fingers, a whip...and I couldn't see any of it coming. I wanted to kiss him something awful...my body quivered with pleasure and anticipation.

As much as I loved every sensation that I was experiencing, I wanted HIM...I wanted to feel him in me, I wanted to kiss him. He knew that he was driving me CRAZY, and he was enjoying it.

When I couldn't take it anymore (and he couldn't either), our mouths met, the blindfold came off, and we were again one. WOW...it was amazing.

We went to dinner, had a couple of drinks, and then headed back towards our hotel where we stopped and got one more drink. We were enjoying each other so much, talking, laughing, kissing, forgetting the reality that we both lived in day to day. I was figuring out Steve...he was more than happy to share with me about everything and everything. I was learning about his family, his childhood, his religious beliefs, etc. I would come away from our time together with things to research (thank goodness for the internet)...I wanted to figure things out, figure Steve out. NEVER in my life have I researched as much as I have the past few months. He mentions that I might be submissive, I read for days on it. He tells me about something else, I am reading on that. I am growing as a person, and as a lover. I am learning about myself as an ADULT for the first time in my life.

The rest of the evening was filled with all night sex. I think we slept a bit here and there, I know that the third drink I had really did me in. I was silly tipsy...at one point sitting on the floor of the shower in our room, makeup running down my face, wanting to play with baby oil or something. I know I looked like hell, yet he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he found me quite amusing!

We giggled that we had only been together two weeks, and that we were staying the night, the WHOLE night, at the hotel that we had first met at two weeks prior. We kept calling it our anniversary, and talking about how CRAZY it was that we had only met such a short time before. At some point, we had started telling each other I LOVE YOU. And I knew that without a doubt, that I did love Steve. Completely. I know it sounds nuts...how could I, a married mom with two kids, meet some random man on the internet and fall in LOVE with him in a matter of days? It happens. And not only did it happen, it happened hard and fast.

I was pleasantly turned on by the marks on my ass from our adventures that night...and little bruises on my breasts...it was like secret tattoos to remind me of him...until the next time.