IT IS ALWAYS SO GOOD...

...and it is never the same.

Sometimes it is fucking. Sometimes it is making love. Sometimes it is sex.

And it is always so good.

We kiss. We lick. We grab. We taste. We move. We communicate. We adjust our bodies almost as if we have choreographed it, but we haven't. I used to think there were only a few positions to have sex in. There are dozens. A little lift here, a stretch there, a turn this way...sometimes the slightest, most random moves can end up being really great positions.

He tells me what to do. Sometimes I get bossy myself. He tells me to suck his cock...instead I climb on it and ride it for a few, and THEN suck on it...tasting US inside my mouth.

He knows when to grab my hair. He knows when to be rough. When to be soft. When I need more kisses. When I need more ass slapping.

Sometimes he tells me to cum. Sometimes I tell him to cum. Sometimes we do it in unison. Sometimes we don't.

I know that he likes to see what we are doing in the mirror. He knows that if his head is between my legs and I want his tongue higher or lower that I will gently touch his face and move it to where it feels like perfection.

He knows that if I start crying during sex, that it is not a bad thing. It is simply an overwhelming feeling of intense emotions that I can't contain. He knows that if I am mid orgasm and tell him that I hate him, that I really mean I AM UNABLE TO COMPREHEND HOW GOOD HE MAKES ME FEEL AND WHERE WAS HE A DECADE AGO?

I like being his good girl. His bad girl. His dirty girl. His freaky girl. HIS girl.

Sometimes I smother him with affection and it is too much for him. Sometimes he sticks his finger in my belly button and it pisses me off.

We love each other with such depth. Such intensity. We breathe each other in as if the other is a drug and we need another hit.

Waking up next to him, feeling his skin, smelling his hair, kissing his sleepy mouth...it reminds me how blessed I am. I have a best friend that I can share anything with. He gets my sense of humor, my sexual needs, and all that is me more than anyone in the world.

I love him. So. Damn. Much.

HIS TONGUE + MY PUSSY = WOW!

Don't you hate it when people say that something is the best/nicest/greatest whatever that you have ever done/seen/etc. and you know that they are just "saying it?"

Yeah, well I do.

So I am going to say something THAT IS NOT A LIE. THAT IS NOT TO FEED SOMEBODIES EGO. THAT IS NOT BEING SAID FOR THE HELL OF IT.

Steven gave me THE BEST ORAL I have EVER EVER EVER had this morning.

No lie.

Oral sex is tricky. It is very personal. Very intimate. Very submissive. When you are having regular sex, you can control quite a bit. I can move my hips, change positions or angles, adjust my body so that he is hitting just the right spot. I can have rapid fire orgasms, or I can play a mind game and hold out. The same goes for GIVING oral...guys like it (and need it) differently. Some guys get off at the thought of a blow job, others make you work a little harder for that glorious warm, wet finale.

Oral is different for me than many women. I like the fullness that a cock gives me. Mouths and/or fingers can take a bit more to get me off. HOWEVER, some of the most amazing orgasms come from oral. They are different, and oh-so-good. And sometimes, JUST WHAT I WANT.

That being said, Steven has always been good down there. Sometimes when he heads south I am just not wanting it, and I say so. Just the other day he was joking that I didn't want him messing around with any oral, that I just wanted his cock, and wanted it THEN AND NOW.

So, last night we have a glorious night out. We start with hungry, needy sex, where I lost count of the orgasms, and it was just crazy good. We went to dinner, had drinks, got my van stuck in mud while trying to spin around on ice, and then retreated to our hotel room again. More hot sex followed...we watched some porn (which was very, very, very hot...), and had a great night of sleep together.

This morning, we ordered room service, and while waiting for it to come we were playing around. Steven was licking and sucking on my nipples, and all of a sudden I HAD TO HAVE HIS MOUTH ON MY PUSSY. So I asked for it.

And let me tell you, it was magic. It was amazing. The man has mad skills. I have known this from the beginning, but he has PERFECTED the art of ORAL ON MISSY. Holy shit, within a couple of minutes I had a mind blowing orgasm.

And to have it followed up by breakfast in bed and feeling totally pampered and loved and adored by the love of my life? Exquisite. I am still laughing at his possessive tone that he took when the room service arrived and he told me to cover my boobs before opening the door.

So...it was a wonderful time together. However, I fucked up. It isn't easy for me to readily admit it, but I did. I chose to act like a brat at the end of our time together this morning. I chose to get upset over something stupid. He needed to call his wife and check in, and I got pissy. NOT COOL.

I love to lose myself in the fake world where spouses don't exist, and we are each other's one and only.

And then when the cold water hits my face and I remember that right now, right this second, today, that this is NOT my reality, sometimes I can't fake it. It bugs me. I hate it.

So, I acted like a brat. And it wasn't cool. I apologized later, and I am truly sorry. However, it sucks. It sucks to not be IT. It sucks to not be the ONLY ONE.

I have decided that I need to stop viewing it as threatening. I need to have the mindset that our spouses are just TECHNICALITIES. That they are a piece of the puzzle, and that is the reality. And married or not, we share kids with them, and divorce won't make them disappear. So I had better get used to that.

And you know what? He was WITH ME. I mean, really. What a brat I was being. He wasn't pouring her coffee, kissing her boobs, licking her pussy, enjoying her company. He was doing that with ME. Every day he chooses to spend time on ME. Talking, texting, being together. He gives ME that time. He finds ways to be away from home to be with ME. He loves ME. It is with ME that he wants a future.

So, after having these deep thoughts, I have vowed to myself to be more courteous about this. To appreciate the time I get more than I already do. To recognize the great gift that our time together is. And to remember that he gives ME sooooo much, and even when it feels like not enough, that it has to be enough for now.

When Steven and I said our goodnights via texting tonight, he sent me this:

"I loved being out with you last night. Being together just makes me feel fantastic. We are meant to be together. For sure."

My thoughts EXACTLY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I am laying in our cozy hotel bed, aware that Steven is in and out of sleep. I am too. His hand was resting between my legs, and I reached down and felt how wet I was, and couldn't stop touching.

I kept my eyes closed, and wasn't really sure when he was awake and when he was asleep. I started slowly, fingering myself, using different motions and speeds on my clit. I would occasionally let my fingers graze his hand which was still resting down there...wiping my juices on his fingers. It felt sooooo good, I just kept going and going, using my other hand to tweak my nipples...and keeping my eyes closed the whole time.

Something about this felt surreal...I loved knowing that he was there, maybe watching, maybe not. It was fantasy like.

He finally made his presence known by bringing his mouth to my nipples and I was tormenting myself by holding back from cumming. I threw the blankets back so he could get the full view of my dripping pussy and wet fingers working their magic. I got to that point where I shoved a couple of fingers inside of myself and thrust them in and out. Steven realized that I could benefit from his cock inside of me, and gladly let me have it. His throbbing cock filled me up, but I didn't want him moving. I wanted to keep this eyes-closed-I-am-masturbating-and-he-is-watching thing going.

I let my orgasm build and build and build, really not aware of what Steven was doing. Sometimes he was sitting there with his cock inside of me, sometimes he was watching and stroking himself.

When I couldn't take another second, I allowed myself to cum, and I exploded with such force that my pussy pushed his cock out as I let out a scream.

This was only one small part of a wonderful weekend together. My birthday was last week, and I can honestly say that Steven gave me the BEST BIRTHDAY I have EVER HAD. He took a vacation day, booked a nice room for two nights, and spoiled me with gifts, sex, great meals, and amazing quality time together. It was blissful!

Saturday night we had been drinking and then decided to scope out the Swinger's Club. And I can't stop thinking about it...we weren't there that long, but the highlight for me was LISTENING to this couple having great sex. It made me SO HOT! My pussy was literally DRIPPING and I had to have Steven right then and there, and you had better believe that I got competitive with my vocal skills. FUCK it was so hot hearing them...I told Steven that we need to work on some sort of same room thing with another couple...I don't want to do anything with other people but I want to HEAR them and SEE them and completely lose myself in observing other people having sex.

So...it was a great time. He is amazing. I have never had a guy that puts so much thought into everything...down to the details...like wrapping a gift in my favorite color for example. We seriously spent all day yesterday in our hotel room, except for going to eat around lunch time. It was glorious...being in a bed, watching tv, napping, having sex. JUST WHAT I NEEDED. It had been a rough week last week (hence the lack of postings on here)...I had minor surgery, limited Steven time, and just too much going on. To have that quiet, intimate day together after having a wild, crazy, sexy night out was amazing.

Best of all, for the first time in my life I feel like I am being my authentic self with someone. There are no secrets. Nothing to hide. I give him all of it, and he gives me it all back. And to have that feels amazing! To be able to say what I want and need and think about, and have no qualms in doing so is liberating.

And there is nothing like a sexually charged few days to make me want more...I can't stop thinking about that couple and hearing them. It was so hot to me to do that masturbation thing with Steven next to me. My mind is racing...ohhhh the possibilities...

Did I mention that this was the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER? It was.

FUCK ME SILLY

Sometimes getting completely lost in sex is the most amazing feeling ever.

To lose all awareness of everything...time, your surroundings, everything.

I did this last night.

And I REALLY NEEDED IT.

Round 1 was great, intense sex. Kisses, eye contact, oral...me getting a little emotional, and Steven whispering to just relax and let us do what we do best. Love each other. A little bit of everything, including some anal with Steven on top. This is really a pretty sweet position...you get the intimacy of being face to face while getting the naughtiness of anal. That is nice right there! Climax after climax...mmmmm...it was good. Some snuggle time afterwards was amazing too.

Round 2 was great, intense sex. YET, it was different.

At one point, Steven's cock was thrusting in and out of my mouth. His warm lips were teasing my nipples. I was working my friend, MR. HOT PINK VIBRATOR, around my clit, and occasionally sliding it in and out of me. MOST of my arousal was coming from is cock in my mouth. He would occasionally take it out, stroke it himself, and watching that right by my face was pretty hot. I flirted with mini-orgasms...not wanting to stop...letting the intensity grow...Steven was enjoying watching me play with MR. HOT PINK VIBRATOR...it was almost too much going on at once.

When he climbed on top of me and slid himself inside me (have I mentioned that feeling our bodies connected feels like I am just where I belong?) I continued to let MR. HOT PINK VIBRATOR buzz around my clit. Steven pounded and pounded, I looked at him, kissed him, touched his face. I knew he was close, and I was on the verge of something crazy. The knowledge that he was close to cumming was just what I needed...within seconds of each other we both explode orgasmically...and whatever the fuck noises I made cracked Steven up. It was seriously a crazy intense, long lasting, mind blowing orgasm. I felt what control I had of my body leave me, and I did a laugh/moan/scream/almost crying thing. I know I laughed...have you ever felt SO GOOD that laughing is all that you can do? It was like that. I was FUCKED SILLY.

My "real" life is in transition right now. My husband is going to slowly start to transition out of our house. I have talked to a lawyer. We need to talk to our children next week. My husband and I are on the same page...we know that we are doing what we need to do. What is best for both of us. There is no ugliness. No fighting. However, it is a lot for me to wrap my mind around. I am happy, sad, excited, scared. I am EXHAUSTED. I don't know when I have had a great night of sleep last. I am worried that Steven and I won't survive this transition I am going through. I am worried that when his time comes, when he is ready to dissolve his marriage, that I won't be what he needs. That I won't be a good support. There is SO MUCH on my mind.

And you know what? What I can't stop thinking about is HOW STRONG I AM. I can do this. My kids will be fine. They have two parents that love them, and will always take care of them. They will be fine. And I will too. I am also thinking that I am ONE STEP closer to where I belong...

This is a journey. A day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute journey. It isn't always pretty. It isn't always easy. It is exhausting. But, if I can lose myself for a few moments and embrace the true love that is between Steven and myself, I am okay. In that moment, I am okay.

I think great sex is like therapy. At least for me.

FISTING AND MORE

Yesterday was quite possibly a perfect day. I met Steven for a few minutes in the morning and stole some deep kisses...the kind that send blood flowing to your pussy and make you want to fuck right then and there. Then we met for lunch...ate and kissed and talked. We were dying for the evening to come so we could BE TOGETHER...we were both very horny, very needy, and watching the clock. We were teasing each other all day, talking about what we wanted to do to each other...driving each other nuts.

This is all fine and dandy...except I got careless and accidentally texted I AM HORNY to my very conservative, very frigid girlfriend instead of Steve. FUCK! I was MORTIFIED! I cleared it up by telling her it was meant for my husband, and then I told my husband in case she teased him about it later. Damn it! Thankfully it wasn't something more incriminating.

So...FINALLY...we are both off work.

We spent a few hours in a hotel room kissing, snuggling, eating pizza, and of course having sex. AND...I had wanted to play with fisting some more, and we did! And I did it! And it rocked! I was relaxed, and when Steven told me he was in me up to his wrist all I could think was THIS FEELS AMAZING! He was totally turned on by how I felt inside, and that when I climaxed he could feel the muscles contracting around his hand. I was unbelievably wet and soooooo turned on! He was really focusing on me down there, licking, sucking, feeling, teasing, working me up into a crazy sweaty orgasm. Steven has said all along that he loves every aspect of sex...the sights, sounds, feelings, tastes, etc. and he isn't lying! He was commenting on all of it...telling me how hot it looked, how good it tasted, how much he was enjoying it.

It is so hard for me to decide where I like Steven to cum...because I like it all so much. There is something really intimate about going home after being together and having traces of him still inside of me. There is something so hot about swallowing that I am unable to put it into words. However, last night I had the privelege of swallowing a load and having him shoot one on my back. I love how it feels as it hits my skin! It was funny, because he was pounding me from behind, and I was just about to tell him that I wanted him to cum on my back, when all of a sudden he pulled out and did it! We are so in sync sometimes it is scary.

We took a few pictures...watch for them on H.N.T.!

I am so in love. Sometimes I think it is a good thing that I can't SHOUT IT TO THE WORLD, because surely by now people would be sick of it! My Facebook status would be "SOOOOO IN LOVE" all the time...my Myspace status would be "I THINK STEVEN IS PERFECT!", and people would be nauseous after listening to me GUSH all damn day.

Oh, but the time will come...and obnoxious I will be. And I don't give a crap if it annoys people! If you have a good thing going on, tell the world, right? And if you don't...FIND A GOOD THING. He/She is out there. Somewhere.

I know this for a fact.

MAKING LOVE

I have sex on the brain. IMAGINE THAT!

Steven and I have a hotel date tomorrow night, and I can't wait! We always have great sex, whether it is as vanilla as vanilla gets, or down right naughty and freaky, I love it all.

Something is up with me though...could be the feel of Fall in the air, could be any number of things. Whatever it is, I can't stop thinking about what I want to do tomorrow night! I was out to lunch with my sons today, and then a quick trip to Target, and I was OBSESSING over thoughts of what tomorrow night will be like. "No honey, we aren't buying a toy gun that shoots marshmallows" (mmmmm...I want to sit on his face tomorrow night) "Do we need toilet paper?" (maybe he will bite me a little...I do like that...) "Let's get in line over here." (MAN I WANT TO FUCK HIM SO BAD!)

Yes...that was my thought pattern.

We talked on the phone quite a bit today, and he knows I am HUNGRY for him. I told him I wanted to play with fisting some more tomorrow...he promised to lick and suck and tease and get me good and ready for it. I have images of the time we did it...the vibrator on my clit, his hand in me...mmmmm...

I really want to spend time on his cock too. In my mouth. Maybe he wants to try that little vibrator around (or in) his ass again? Lots of lube on his balls...my hands swirling around them as I suck on his hardness.

I am also in a photography mood. I have visions of some really sexy pictures of him...and I want to play with black and white. Sometimes taking the color out really emphasises the subject...I love taking pictures of him...of us...

Porn sounds fun too. Maybe we will find a little to watch online...just for kicks. It isn't always that arousing to me, but sometimes it is. It just depends. I wouldn't mind watching some together, we haven't done much lately.

I want every position tomorrow. I keep thinking about being on top...we had some good, intense sex earlier this week where I was on top, but laying on him...my fingers working my clit while he slid in and out...it ended in a very intense orgasm. The eye contact was great. I want some hard fucking from behind...I am thinking about bent over the bathroom counter so Steve can watch in the mirror. I want to be on top some. I want him on top. I want some slow, soft, heavy eye contact and sweet conversation sex too.

I want to lay next to Steve, and run my fingers all over his neck and back. Gently rubbing his body. Sometimes when I do this, I feel as if I am transferring the love that I feel for him through my fingertips and into his body. That sometimes it is more meaningful to touch him like I love him than telling him I love him.

I never grasped the term "MAKING LOVE" completely until now. All of a sudden I get it. That is what we do! Us! Steven and Missy! Making love! I get it I get it I get it! I want to shout it to the neighbors...the cars on the road...my employees...my cats...the people at Starbucks..."Can I get a iced grande nonfat mocha, and OH BY THE WAY I NOW KNOW WHY PEOPLE CALL IT MAKING LOVE!"

Ahhhhh....what a wonderful feeling...details of tomorrow night will surely be posted...I can't wait to kiss my sexy man and to wear us both out sexually! Is that possible? Hehe...

Life is good.

I HAVE BLOW JOBS ON THE BRAIN...AGAIN

There is something therapeutic about giving a blow job.

It can be as relaxing to me as anything.

To have someone at their most vulnerable, most intimate, most open is something that I think can be often overlooked. Yet, when you have your mouth around a cock, that is exactly what it is. He is trusting you. Sharing himself with you. Allowing himself to connect with you in one of the most intimate ways.

Yes, I realize that there are *other* aspects about it that men like. However, I am talking about ME and what I get out of it.

When I have heard girlfriends talk about not liking to perform oral sex on their man, I am baffled. WHY WHY WHY girls? What the HELL? You are missing out.

I was 13 when I gave my first blow job. Alarming, yes, I know. However, it was something that I immediately enjoyed, and has been something that I have continued to enjoy. On some level, it is sexually gratifying for me. No, there isn't an orgasm that comes from it, but most of us recognize that sometimes it isn't about the orgasm. I don't give them expecting something in return, and head has never been a reward to any man in my life for something well done. I overheard a couple bargaining at a party a few years ago...if he weeded the garden for an hour she would give him a blow job. WHAT THE HELL? Really? Is this really something that women think of as a REWARD? I don't get, nor will I ever get, the SEX AS LEVERAGE theory. If I am in a relationship with you, sex is sex. You get it. No matter what. I can be mad, tired, angry, hurt, but withholding sexual activity is not an option. And 99% of the time it can help the issue at hand anyway.

Swallowing has never been an optional activity for me either. Why WOULDN'T you swallow? Would you expect a guy to go down on you and experience NONE OF YOUR TASTE? No. Because he doesn't have a choice. I had a friend once tell me that she couldn't stand the taste of cum. S-E-L-F-I-S-H. Trust me, no two men taste alike. And I would be lying if I said that they were all equally as tasty. HOWEVER, different men kiss different. Different men have sex different. Different men perform oral on women different. SO YES, THEY TASTE DIFFERENT. To me, part of the thrill is relishing their unique flavor...and if it isn't a GREAT one, it is still pleasurable to me from all other aspects. SO WHAT if you take time doing something you enjoy and have to take a quick swallow of something that isn't amazing tasting? Deal. With. It.

The first time I was asked "Do you swallow?" I was truly perplexed. I looked at the guy and said "I didn't know there was another way." And I was SERIOUS. Yes, I was young, but still. Really? We have options? Bitch PLEASEEEEEEEEE.

Suck. It. Up.

Literally.

THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS. WE ARE CRAZZZZZZZY.

Evidence of another wonderful night together...yes, we begged, borrowed, and stole to get a sleepover last night. And when I left the hotel room this morning, Steven sent me this picture on his cell phone.

This is sooooo us. I mean, really...the MOTEL 6 logo on the phone just really seals the deal on the white trash factor...combined with the energy drink, cigarette, lighter, vibrator, lube, RUSH, gum, and......drum roll.......STEVE'S WEDDING RING. Yes, that is right, because REMOVING THE RING BEFORE FUCKING MAKES IT...never mind. It just makes it not fall off when lube is involved. You thought I had some backasswards justification happening, didn't you?

Yeah...I am not THAT nuts. Yet.

Let's just tell it like it is.

We are a bit nuts. Not psycho, dangerous around kids, watch out or I will steal your cat, I talk to myself all the time, look at me wrong and I will bite you nuts.

Nope, not that kind of nuts.

Nuts as in WE ARE REALLY GOOD, UPSTANDING CITIZENS THAT HAVE JOBS, AND LOTS OF KIDS, AND MORTGAGES, AND SPOUSES, AND CHURCHES, AND FRIENDS, AND HOBBIES, AND WE CAN HOLD AN INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION, FIGHT A WICKED FIGHT, AND DAMN IT WE ARE CUTE....BUT....we have this inner freak, party it up, run around and be silly, let's pretend we don't have responsibilities, yes that is us with the loud rap music dancing in the minivan....nuts.

THAT kind of nuts.

I asked Steve this morning if I was his mid life crisis. He refused to answer because he said it is a really dumb question.

In a sense though, we ARE each other's crisis. Really.

Our love is not a crisis. Our sex is not a crisis. Having fun together is not a crisis. What is a crisis is that we have been FUCKING STUCK. FUCKING TRAPPED. FUCKING UNFULFILLED. And THAT my friends, is a CRISIS.

And until the day comes that we can be free to be US...we live amongst crisis. We cram a full blown relationship, complete with head over heels love, into a fraction of what legit couples have. We have sex with fervor, knowing that any sex we get at home is merely like a JELLO PUDDING CUP when we know that the MUD PIE FROM RED ROBIN is out there counting the seconds until we meet again. We fight like our lives depend on it, because sometimes I think they do. Why not freak out on the one that GETS IT THE MOST? The one that UNDERSTANDS? The one that has filled this huge void, yet when you are apart the void is bigger than any void that was there before?

People take SO MUCH for granted. I admit, I have been this way before too. Yet, when I woke up this morning with a throbbing headache from too many margaritas, I was APPRECIATIVE.

I was APPRECIATIVE of Steven's skin touching mine. I was APPRECIATIVE of the hangover, because it meant that we had a wonderful, wild, crazy night together. I was APPRECIATIVE of the bed, the sheets, the roof, the warmth, the room...because that is so much more than many, many people have. I was APPRECIATIVE of exhaustion...because what caused that was having sex for 2 hours in the middle of the night. I was APPRECIATIVE of Steven...thankful that he found me, thankful that we have each other, thankful that he is my future.

It is way too easy to take it for granted. Eleven years ago, I was a year into marriage with a new baby, working on buying a home, a decent job, and looking forward to a future of all that is bright and shiny. I was 19 going on 40. And I APPRECIATED none of it (except the baby). And after watching my marriage unravel, my sex life with my husband become bleak, and the realization that I went from a senior in high school to a van driving mommy overnight, I feel cheated. By my own doing.

SO...I am acting out a bit. Just a skosh. Steven is too. We pretend we aren't.

But really, we are.

And guess what? I am OKAY with being a bit nuts. And if this is more than a phase, I am okay with that too. If we become senior citizens that are having a few too many drinks on a Saturday night, stopping in at a Swinger's Club, and then having sex all night, WHO CARES? The reality is that we are both having needs met that have been neglected for years. Everything that we do is special, meaningful, precious. Everything we do is feeding us in some way, shape, or form.

We have so much fun together...I love being in public with him...I love seeing him get checked out by other women AND HE IS MINE and that feels amazing. I love how he makes me laugh. I love how comfortable we are together. I love that we are so intertwined with each other's lives that we often have to stop ourselves from talking about each other to our friends and families.

And I love how adventurous we are. I feel so free when we are together. I try new things. Last night I HAD MY FIRST FULL BLOWN FISTING EXPERIENCE. If you are into this, leave a comment...I want to know what other people think. I liked it. I wasn't sure if I wanted his hand moved a lot once it was in, but I certainly liked the feeling of fullness. There is certainly a level of trust and patience required, and it has a feeling of intimacy that is really hard to explain.

My only regret is that I wasn't completely sober. Next time I will be.

I have spent some time this morning reading about fisting, and what I have found is quite interesting. There is quite a bit of writing out there on the spiritual aspect of fisting. The first article I read talked about what the fist can be symbolic of from a biblical sense, complete with scripture to back it up. I was questioning this a bit, but kept researching (nerd that I am). What I found is that there are books on this, many articles, and dozens of personal testimonies from people seriously moved by the highly sensual yet spiritual experiences that they have had with fisting.

So...our two hour sexathon was amazing. All of it was great. I needed that. I haven't been with someone, ever, that I could just PLAY with for hours on end. Steve stays hard. Can cum when he wants and it isn't over if he doesn't want it to be. He is patient, and eager to please. He is excited to do it all, and loves making me happy. Steven absorbs all aspects of sex...he pays close attention, and humors me by recapping it to me when I ask afterwards.

I want to read more on fisting and do this again, ASAP.

Our finale was him cumming in my ass (he teases me because when we first met I said this was one thing I wasn't really crazy about...funny how things change...I have let him do it twice now...) while he was on top of me. This was the ultimate in intimate endings, a perfect way to end an intimate time in bed. Looking at his beautiful face, his eyes fierce with love for me, and feeling my body completely relaxed and surrendered to him...truly amazing.

Mid life crisis? Nah

Nuts? Okay, in some ways.

Building a future amongst an underground life speckled with incredible sex, crazy ass moments of juvenile behavior, good food and better drinks, Camel Lights, hotel rooms, lube, unknowing spouses, lots of kids, and above it all an incredible amount of love for each other? YES. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE ARE DOING.

A WEEKEND TO REMEMBER

WHAT AN AMAZING WEEKEND!

We somehow finagled two consecutive nights together...OVERNIGHT. Glorious! I am still warm and fuzzy from it!

It was a matter of the planets aligning or something...my kids were with grandparents, he had realistic work related reasons to be gone, and my husband just does not care. We met up Friday night...at this point we were only thinking we had one night together. We got a room, and met there. Of course we had to have sex first (which was great, as always...love that cum on the back / Steve licks it up and gives it to me action!) Then we went out for some excellent seafood and drinks, and then went back to the bar that is at the hotel where we were staying. This bar is somewhere that I have frequented quite a bit over the years, and there is this older, CRABBY lady that works there. And she was waiting on us.

NO ONE that I have EVER been there with has ever gotten this woman to crack a smile.

And guess what? Steven has this woman LAUGHING and JOKING and DANCING and SINGING and having a great time. That is just the kind of guy he is.

We went back to our room, had wild and crazy sex all over the place (we had drank a bit downstairs) and finally decided that the bed was overrated and ended up on the floor. Apparently I wanted it hard and fast, and was being pretty demanding...nothing like alcohol to make me bossy...and to make me want a good, hard fuck. I had turned on my laptop and loaded some old school rap ...Naughty By Nature...Biggie...a little Eminem...good sex music. I was impressing Steven with my extensive knowledge of lyrics to non-mommy music, and acting like a drunken goof. Make that a GANGSTA' drunken goof.

After that, we should have gone to sleep, but the great sex had me amped up. Steven was lying on the bed, and I reminded him that WE WERE NOT 50 and told him that we needed some Taco Bell. I drove us across the street, we ordered (I guess I was being obnoxious there too), and took our food to "our lake" down the road. TACO BELL AFTER DRINKS AND GREAT SEX IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE BEST THING EVER. We ate our food, and while standing outside by "our lake" I decided I had to pee.

BAD IDEA. I am not a camper. Not a nature kind of girl. Not a squat and pee in the wild woman. Nope. Not at all. Yeah...I thought I had nailed it...until I stood up and realized I had been peeing on the leg of my pants.

Fuck. Seriously FUCKING embarrassing. Steven thought it was HILARIOUS...laughed at me the whole way back to our room...thank goodness it was in the middle of the night because I had to walk through the hotel like this! I was ready to walk in my panties and t-shirt, but Steven had the sense to discourage this.

We snuggled up in bed, slept, woke up and had another round of great sex, and both of us headed off to work.

PERFECTION. Later on Saturday, circumstances arose that made a second night feasible. Sweet! I was soooooooo excited. BONUS!!

We met up after work Saturday, and got a room at the Motel 6. Now...here is what I have to say about Motel 6. We have used them for a few hours here and there. Never overnight. But...Friday night we had stayed somewhere nice, and decided to be a little bit fiscally responsible with night number two. Long story short...the employee that is always there when we have gone there is great. Always nice, always gives us a room in the part that I request. I had told Steven that we needed to bring her something...so, being how he is, he checks in, chats with her, basically tells her the situation we have, etc. She is down with being discreet...I am sure Motel 6 sees it all. That is just how they roll. So...she tells him that she had assumed that we were what we are, and I hook her up with some yummy baked goods, and we are surely on our way to being friends...she is discreet, we take care of her, she takes care of us, it's all good.

We get settled in our room, leave a candle burning to get rid of the MOTEL 6 ROOM SMELL, and go to this AMAZING PLACE that Steven discovered early on in our relationship. This bar has THE BEST BURGER IN THE WORLD, good drinks, great karaoke, an amazing outdoor garden type area, and it is no where we would run into anyone we know. We ate, drank, hung out, and then were at a loss with what to do next.

We had toyed with the idea of going to the Swinger's Club. I was down with it at first, but I was also tired...the night before had worn me out...the other dilemma was that the later it gets, the more it becomes active, and being there fully clothed and watching isn't really the best. Watching has seemed to be the best earlier in the night.

We went to another place that we frequent, stayed there a bit listening to the WORST karaoke ever, and left.

So, we went back to our room, and laid on the bed watching funny videos on You Tube, and just hanging out. After midnight we decided to go down the road to Applebees and get a drink, AND HERE IS WHERE I GET TO THE BEST PART OF THE ENTIRE WEEKEND.

We are sitting there in the bar, talking about this and that. We were talking about places that are "our places" and Steven brought up a park/lake that we have gone to now and then to hang out and talk, and have junk food picnics.

And while talking about this place, we talk about the first time we were there. There was no one around, we walked down by the water...talking, and kissing. We took some cute pictures of us on my cell phone, and all of a sudden Steven grabs a stick.

And writes that he loves me in the sand.

And I snapped a picture with my phone, and told him that no one had ever written that they loved me in the sand before.
He was shocked. It was the honest truth. Never.

So, there we are at Applebees, reminiscing about that, and Steve tears up. With tears in his eyes he tells me that it makes him sad to think that no one had ever written that they loved me in the sand before. That I was so great, how could that have never happened with another guy? And that at the same time, he was glad that he was the first. Of course seeing him be emotional and sweet and tearing up makes me start crying. Steve blots the corner of my eyes with a napkin and we hug...having our own little sappy moment in the bar.

Seriously, is this not the sweetest guy ever? I have never felt so completely cared for. So completely loved. So complete.

We go back to our room, get ready for bed, and snuggle up together. After an amazing night's sleep, we had mind blowing sex this morning with nearly simultaneous orgasms as a finale. Steven has read about pussy massaging (there is some fancy word for it that is slipping my mind), and ladies...this is fabulous! He rubs me all over down there with lube, and it is euphoric...relaxing, exciting, arousing, crazy good feeling. It is about more than rubbing where you know it feels good...it is about the whole area. And by the time he slid his hard cock into me, I was crazy turned on. I decided to use a vibrator on my clit, and FOUGHT LIKE HELL to not cum. I could have so many times, but wouldn't let myself. It built and built, and we kept going and going...VERY intense like. No switching around, no position changes, just good intense sex. And Steven playing with my nipples was incredible for some reason...it always arouses me but it was way more than usual. As much as I love eye contact during sex, I was so focused on my own body that I couldn't focus on him. I was starting to feel delirious with pleasure when I came, and it took a bit for the room to stop spinning afterwards. Seriously the MOST CRAZY INTENSE orgasm I think I have ever had.

14+ hours later I am still walking on air, smiling, giddy, and more in love than ever.

SEX ON FIRE

We always have great sex. ALWAYS.

Sometimes it is short and sweet. Sometimes fast and intense. Sometimes long and experimental. Sometimes it is sweaty and purely physical. Sometimes it is heartfelt and has emotions connected to it that I can't even begin to articulate.

The wonderful thing about us is that it is always good, and we are always willing and eager partners. The worst of days can happen, but if we can just get our mouths to meet, it is all better. There is no talking that needs to occur. No asking. We never ask the other if it is okay, because it is always okay. It is always okay for our bodies to enjoy each other. When we have talked about ending our relationship when things have been rough, Steven always comes back to the fact that we could never be "just friends", and I am getting that. He is right. There is no way that we could have a relationship that didn't involve sex.

Last night we went to dinner, and then went to the hot tub place. Steven has concocted a "sex bag" complete with toys, lube, a camera, toiletries, etc. and I just love this.

We got a hot tub for an hour, and went in our room and stripped. Steven turned on some music, dimmed the lights, and joined me in the water.

Our lips immediately went for each other, and thus began a 40 minute, seriously great sex session.

You know how even though it is always good, sometimes it is just STUNNING? This was last night. STUNNING. I always know that it has been that way by how I feel afterwards. I have my sex stoned, big words are hard for me to pronounce, giddiness going on.

There is something about water that is sexy. It feels sexy. Limbs wrapped around each other in water feel sexy. I caved and decided that keeping my hair dry was pointless (this was a BIG step...I am a high maintenance kind of girl), and wet hair is sexy. The seamless way in which you can change positions while having sex in water is sexy.

Steven has this amazing gift of "deep sea diving" that sends shivers through my body...he gets me in just the right position, and holds his breath and proceeds to let his mouth do amazing things to my pussy. A little lube, my finger in his ass, and his cock in my mouth made for a delicious combo. Having my arms and legs wrapped around him while he moved in and out of me at the perfect tempo was ecstasy. I could not get enough, I wanted to feel every inch of him filling me up, and I was riding him with fervor.

He makes me feel pretty. Sexy. Desired. Hot. And when I feel that way, there is no hesitancy. No self consciousness. No holding back. If me leaning over the edge of the hot tub with my ass in the air is what he wants, he gets it. If he wants to lick every inch of me, great! If we want to slip, slide, and fling our connected bodies around in the water, you had better believe we will do it, and do it well.

We were all over each other with such intensity. Tons of eye contact, lots of kissing, biting, nibbling, sucking, and licking. It was ridiculously hot!

After countless mind blowing orgasms (the ones that sneak up on me are INSANE...being a control freak I like to have some control over "letting" myself let go, and when it just HAPPENS, holy shit!), I was ready for Steven to cum, and a GREAT song came on.

I had found this song when Steven and I were first together....Kings Of Leon: Sex On Fire.

And I really really really like it. So does Steven.

Lay where you're laying, don't make a sound
I know they're watching, they're watching
All the commotion, the kiddie like play
Has people talking, talking

You, your sex is on fire

SO...what happens next is almost surreal. Euphoric. Steven's thrusting increases, I am looking in his eyes and watching his perfect body doing perfect things with me. He gets this amazing intense look on his face pre-orgasm, and it melts my heart.

The dark of the alley, the breaking of day
The head while I'm driving, I'm driving
Soft lips are open, knuckles are pale
Feels like you're dying, you're dying

You, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what's to transpire

He says to me with authority that he wants to cum in my mouth. AND DON'T SWALLOW he tells me very seriously. Hmmmm....I am wondering what he is wanting to do...I have a suspicion, but I never know with Steve. For all I know he wants to hear me gargle it or something.

Hot as a fever, rattling bones
I could just taste it, taste it
If it's not forever, if it's just tonight
Oh, it's still the greatest, the greatest, the greatest

When it's time, he pulls out and stands up, where I surround his throbbing cock with my lips and allow my mouth to be filled. And like instructed, I DO NOT SWALLOW.

When he is done, he carefully removes his hard cock from me and brings his mouth to mine, where he carefully takes his cum from my mouth to his, lets it stay there a moment, and feeds it back to me.

You, your sex is on fire
And you, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what's to transpire

And you, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what's to transpire

SO-FUCKING-HOT-I-CAN-NOT-STOP-THINKING-ABOUT-THIS-I-WANT-TO-DO-THIS-AGAIN-AMAZINGNESS.

I swallowed and immediately kiss him.

Damn it I love him.

If that isn't SEX ON FIRE I am not sure what is.

LOOK ALL YOU WANT HONEY, BUT HE IS MINE

So...nothing heals hurt feelings like great sex, right?

Like I said in my previous post, we met up Saturday night. Yes, we had our "white trash parking lot scene" in front of the Swinger's Club...this was the result of me being pouty and Steven being a brat (okay, I was being a brat too). And in the heat of our retarded dispute, I looked up at him (I was sitting on the curb) and LAUGHED. Uncontrollably LAUGHED. And Steve laughed. And we COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING! He grabbed my hand, we got in my van, and went to get more drinks, still laughing at HOW STUPID AND STUBBORN we both are. SERIOUSLY. We truly deserve each other.

Prior to this stupid fight, we had gone to dinner and arrived at the Swinger's Club. Going there allows us to have a sexual atmosphere, a private room, watch people doing all kinds of things, snacks, and just be together for $40.00. Hell of a deal versus a hotel room. We went in, wandered around a bit, and went to a private room a lot sooner than we normally would. WE NEEDED EACH OTHER. We needed to reaffirm our commitment to each other in a sexual way. Nothing heals the wounds of a fight like a good fuck.

We both needed it. Bad. I wanted it ALL...sometimes my body frustrates me because I can't figure out what I need. I told him to lick me, I had the URGENT FEELING that I needed to feel his warm mouth on my pussy. It was really odd for me to feel this so desperately. The great thing about us is that there is no hesitation. We both have no qualms in asking for something. We want to meet each other's needs, we want to make each sexual encounter exactly what the other person needed it to be.

We tossed and turned and switched around quite a bit, just not able to get enough of each other. We kissed and touched and grabbed and tasted and held and fucked and thoroughly enjoyed the way our bodies make us feel when they are together.

Sweaty, thirsty, and satisfied, we left (insert parking lot scene). After getting another round of drinks, we went back to the Swinger's Club. There was more action going on...sex in hot tubs, LOTS of naked people. At one point I was thoroughly enjoying watching a guy performing oral sex on a woman in front of everyone. I whispered to Steven that I wanted to touch her boobs, he said GO FOR IT, but I was too chicken. Maybe another time...

I wanted to give Steven a blow job right in front of people, but he wasn't feeling it...he later said that he wished he would have said yes. We met a few people, there was a lady that was there with her husband that was seriously checking Steven out. I like this...but my arrogant snotty side wants a t-shirt that says something like LOOK ALL YOU WANT HONEY, BUT HE IS MINE. Can you tell that we are not "lifestyle" people? I mean, we have our freaky sides, we have TALKED about dabbling in a few different scenarios, but neither one of us has any interest in SWAPPING. I can't with certainty say that we never will...I mean, in 6 months with Steven I have done things that I would have NEVER IMAGINED. So, never say never. He likes the idea of another woman with me, this is something that I would be open to. Basically, we are on a case by case, day by day, conversation by conversation basis. The appeal with joining a Swinger's Club for us was the environment, we both have voyeuristic tendencies, we both have exhibitionist tendencies (even TYPING THIS is hard for me because I still have not fully wrapped my mind around the fact that I really have enjoyed being watched). It also gave us a place to go where we could be alone, have sex, and be together. I have also recently expressed a desire to really watch another couple, and this is something that we are exploring. I want to watch another couple, start to finish, have sex. REALLY WATCH. It would be nice if they were both somewhat appealing to me, but that isn't super important. I just think it would be REALLY HOT.

So...we basically spent the rest of the evening getting really aroused, and at this point it was crazy late, we had both been drinking, and we decided to get a hotel room. HUGE ISSUE...there was some event going on and everything was booked! It was 3 am and we are WANDERING trying to find a stupid hotel room! Crazy. We finally did (shout out to the Clarion for being reasonable, high quality, and a great deal).

We showered, and got into bed damp, naked, sleepy, and horny. Great combo! And thus began a contortionist event that rivals the best directed porn out there. I was really in the mood to have my hand working my clit, which isn't my norm. I just had the urge! I kept apologizing to Steven, and he kept telling me to knock it off. I just feel bad when I do that, like he isn't enough. I have no problem having an orgasm (or several) from penetration alone. I don't need the clitoral stimulation to get off. When I am masturbating, this is the fastest, easiest way for me to take care of business. With a partner though, I rarely do this, it isn't necessary. That night though I just wanted that little extra something that playing with myself adds to sex.

We were going at it in every way possible, and at one point Steven had his fingers in me while I touched myself. I wanted more fingers! Please! It wasn't working with me being on all fours, in this position a couple of fingers felt like too much. I laid on my back, and with the help of some lube, Steven had four fingers working on me while I rubbed my clit. I had my left hand playing with his ass that was up in the air, and he had his left hand stroking his cock. He was backing into my lubed finger and I have to say this was incredibly hot. In this crazy combination of pleasuring ourselves and each other simultaneously, in the most awkward looking position ever (seriously a heap of extremities, genitals, and lube) we both had intense orgasms within seconds of each other. Steven came on my stomach, and here is the best part...

He gently licked up his cum and fed it to me with his mouth. HEAVEN. Seriously I find this so hot that words can't describe it. He tried this with me for the first time last week and my adrenaline was flowing to the point that I could have went for a run afterwards...and my ass DOES NOT RUN. Seriously, it turned me on something crazy. And there was such a sweetness to it. He was leery, and not too wild about it, but knew that it was something that I would enjoy. From his standpoint, he has a bit of a cum phobia, but he is working through it. In all honesty, his cum tastes amazing, and if it didn't I wouldn't want him doing this. However, I have tasted a guy or two and know that his is tasty, so it is great that he is trying this for me.

Anyway, after our contortionist masturbation/sex/teamwork event, it was some unreal hour in the morning, and we crashed. Waking up next to Steven and running my fingers up and down his bare back was exquisite. Laying in bed while he showered, ironed his work clothes, and got ready to leave was blissful. His sweet lips meeting mine as he kissed me goodbye was precious.

It is times like this that remind me why I am doing this. What I have gotten myself in to. What I have signed up for. We need each other. We are so good together. We complete each other. And when we are having stupid disputes over stupid things, I secretly like the fact that he has a backbone. That he stands up to me. Puts me in my place. Can hold his own. I have HATED being the dominant personality within my marriage. I have HATED knowing that I could push my husband around if I wanted to.

I am LOVING the fact that I have met my match...someone that can have a trashy parking lot fight with me, someone that can match my sexual appetite, someone that tell me to knock it off when I need to be told that.

And most of all, someone that loves me unconditionally. Someone that knows me in ways that other people don't.

Someone that I am crazy about.