CHRONICALLY HORNY?

Steven made the statement this week that conflict makes me horny.

Now, whether or not that is true is a matter of opinion. I am sure that his logic was that despite several conflicts between us this past week, I can't seem to get enough sex.

Last Saturday we had a crazy evening with great sex.

Sunday I went by his office for a nice desk fuck when he got off work.

Monday I masturbated thinking about him.

Tuesday we had a snarky conversation on the phone, and then I got off the phone and masturbated. And then proceeded to tell him about it.

Wednesday I met him at a hotel room...I was under the covers in thigh highs, garters, and a corset type top when he arrived. Yeah...that stayed on all of 2.58 seconds. I don't think that Steven quite understood that it takes TIME to put all of that stuff on. There should be a law that if it takes 17 minutes to put it on, you have to leave it on at least 17 minutes. Ohhhhh the torture that would bring....after a round of hot, intense sex, we went to dinner and came back. We had a wonderful couple of hours cuddling, laying together, and of course an amazing hour of sex...we simply could not get enough of each other. I had some seriously intense orgasms, and by the end I had cum so many times that the last one was a struggle...one that I wouldn't give up on though. It is NEVER too much.

Thursday I was home alone, mentally recapping the week's sexcapades, and naturally that aroused me, and being one to take full advantage of the empty house, well....yeah, I let some fingers wander into my warm wetness, and fingered myself. While NOTHING replaces a hard cock, sometimes the slow softness of my own fingers produces such a different orgasm that it is nice. Sometimes the hard aggressiveness of my hand produces an even different orgasm. It's nice to play around with this now and then.

So...here we are. Friday. One would think that I would feel immensely satisfied sexually. This afternoon I was organizing my bedroom and I found a washcloth that Steven had sprayed his cologne on for me. I held it to my face and breathed it in. Electric feelings surged to my pussy and all of a sudden I could feel my pulse in my clit. I looked at the clock. The kids were playing downstairs. I had to leave in 5 minutes for a hair appointment. I locked my bedroom door, laid on the bed, and touched myself while smelling Steve's cologne. No joke, it was a 2 minute deal. Crazy how the smell of him did that to me, and crazy that I am chronically horny for some reason.

Here is what I am going to do now. I am going to book a hotel room for tomorrow night. My darling Steven has arranged a night away. And I was going to be out anyway, which is perfect, because since I live in the boonies, it isn't unreasonable to crash at a friend's house after drinking...nor is it unreasonable to use this as a reason to not come home. And then I am going to wait. Stay busy. Try to avoid clock watching. And I am going to warn Steven that despite a week of great sex and masturbation, that I am needing more. More of HIM.

Thankfully, he matches my sex drive. Thankfully he is always willing, eager, and horny himself. I have never, ever, ever, ever been with a guy that can go and go and go again, and last and last and last some more. And now I have a guy like this and it ROCKS. Better still, he always finds it hot when I tell him about pleasuring myself. I love this too.

Here is my alarming thought of the week. I have read up on when a woman hits her sexual peak. And everything that I have read states 30-40, but mid thirties was pretty common.

What if that is true? What if this gets WORSE? I am 30. What if at 35 I am a raging crazy nympho that knocks down Steven and RAPES him? I guess you can't rape the willing, but still...the thought ALARMS ME that I could want even more sexual gratification.

And then I remember. I have been deprived. I have had years of not enough sex. Years of not good enough sex. And now I have it. I have a wonderful sex life with a wonderful man. So OF COURSE I want it more! He shows me new things, takes me to new levels of enjoyment. I miss him when we are apart, so I think about him, and about us, and that is arousing. NO WONDER I AM CHRONICALLY HORNY.

Back to the thought that conflict causes me to be horny. You know, as much as I hate to admit it, there is a smidgen of truth to that. Steven stands up to me. Fights back. Puts me in my place. Fights a good fight. Fair? Not always, but neither am I. So yes, this may turn me on a bit. I am married to MR. MELLOW-SMILE-AND-NOD-AVOID-CONFLICT-HIDE-FEELINGS. And it gets old. Fast. So when Steven and I disagree, or pick at each other for whatever reason, it may just make me want to fuck him that much more.

If we were under the same roof right now, we quite possibly could become the most unproductive couple EVER. Who needs to do housework when you can have sex? Isn't having sex a legitimate reason to miss work? Can kids go to bed at 4 pm? Would my friends understand if I had to cancel plans with them to have sex? Would I use safeway.com for groceries so that the time I would use actually going to the store could be used for sex? I am sure I could shop for clothes online while being fucked from behind...and Steven could enjoy a blow job while making work calls, right?

I could go on and on. While writing this, something has occurred to me though. MY BODY IS GREAT. I have battled my own body my entire adult life. I have battled weight. Health issues. Defects. More stupid issues than anyone my age should have dealt with. AND THIS SAME BODY IS GIVING ME IMMENSE PLEASURE EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND. How can I be mad at that? The same body that threw a surprise surgery my way 4 months ago today is making me smile. I LOVE IT. I love how much I enjoy sex, and the way my body and Steven's bodies are together.

And that silly question that I ALWAYS ASK Steven during sex..."Why does it feel so good?"...will ALWAYS have the same answer.

Because it's us.

BLOW JOBS, COPS, AND DEEP THOUGHTS FROM THIS WEEK

We have pushed and finagled our way into seeing each other quite a bit this week. We are both exceptionally needy right now, yet neither one of us is quick to admit it. Sunday was a hard day, we both had the same realization on the 4th of July...HOLIDAYS ARE HARD. Our contact is limited, we want to be together and aren't able to be.

Sunday was a day of choppy conversations, and to be quite honest, some weren't very nice. We were pushing each other's buttons, and not in a good way. Steven was at our "lake" after he got off work...I had said I was going home but changed my mind. I arrived to find him sitting in his car, looking a bit sad. I walked over to him and just held him for dear life. We need to stop this crap, need to stop the petty fights. We are so damned crazy about each other, but if you take two strong personalities, two people that are wild for each other, and mix in the stress of jobs, families, spouses, and REAL LIFE, sometimes we erupt.

We spend the evening talking, walking on our beach, holding hands, and ended the night with a deep conversation about where we are headed. Our marriages. Our lives.

It was draining, yet energizing if that makes any sense. We needed that talk. We needed to hash things out. We needed to be each other's support system because WHO THE HELL ELSE UNDERSTANDS?

We were able to spend some time Monday together as well...and Tuesday was quite possibly a perfect day. We both left work to have a picnic lunch together, and after I met Steven at his office.

Well, can you guess where that led? That's right...from me sucking on his hard cock while he was sitting at his desk, to him bending me over his desk, to being on all fours on the floor, with him going to town behind me, and finally me whipping around just in time to catch his cum...and catch a little on my face too. Yummers!

After that we went to dinner...Chinese food and drinks. We had a nice mellow time, just enjoying each other.

We finished up the night at the Porn Store...getting a preview room after I made Steve choose the porn. I am HORRIBLE at choosing them! I hate it! It stresses me out...all of those naked people staring at me from the shelves, their breasts, and penises, and girl parts taunting me and I JUST CAN NOT MAKE A FUCKING DECISION! Can you tell that this has caused a dispute in our relationship? Steve PROMISED he would choose the movie this time, so I was game!

We got into our room and started our movie. With the sounds of sex as background noise, we slowly teased and loved on each other...I didn't even realize that we were being slow like that until Steven pointed it out after the fact. He is THE MOST OBSERVANT person. Ever.

We slowly escalated the action to include some great slaps (I seriously feel my self getting wetter when his hand makes contact with my cheek) and a bit of choking action. It was hot, sweaty, amazing sex...we stopped at a convenience store afterwards for drinks and snacks...mmmm...I love red Gatorade after great sex...

Wednesday we met up in the evening at our "lake" and just hung out in my minivan. Played around on my laptop, talked, hung out. Time seems to FLY when we are together. When it got dark, I convinced Steven to get in the back seat and let me give him a blow job. He was nervous...even though our "lake" is at the end of a dead end road...it is still a road, and cars sometimes go down it.

I got back there and took him in my mouth. I was really going at it, seriously not thinking, just enjoying. It was great, really great. All of a sudden Steven gasps and says something along the lines of "SHIT! IT'S A COP!"

He zips his pants and I am sitting, SCARED TO DEATH, on the floor of the van. The cop pulls around, and BEAMS HIS SPOT LIGHT IN THE BACK OF MY VAN. I am seriously terrified. I mean, we are in the back of a minivan. My van has a STUDENT OF THE MONTH STICKER from my son's school on it. We are in our 30's. REALLY? This is HAPPENING? I felt the exact same way when I was in a similar situation at 17. WHAT THE HELL? Affairs can REGRESS you in so many ways.

Steven smiled and waved at the cop, who strangely drove off. It took a few minutes for my heart rate to return to normal, and that ended the blow job action for the evening. Damn cop. Really. I was having fun!

I know it sounds amazing the amount of time that we have had together this week. It has been wonderful. It has also highlighted some things, at least for me.

I am avoiding my real life to an extent. I am functioning at a surface level in so many areas right now. I have stresses that are huge...and none have anything to do with Steven. He has the same. We have both agreed that this can't continue like it is. We both had unrealistic expectations of managing this double life for years and years. It is exhausting. It is hard work. It is stressful.

Is it worth it? Yes, right now, yes, it is worth it. Long term can I keep this up? No. I can't. The deeper we get into this, the harder things are. Holidays are harder. When one of us has sex with our spouse it is hard. When our contact is limited it is hard.

What I know to be true, right this minute, is that I am madly in love with Steven. A love like no love I have previously felt. And just when I think I can't possibly love him any more than I do, something shifts and I love him more!

And what I also know, is that my life changed the second I met him. And every second since, even the hard ones, are precious.

I also know that there will be a point that we look back and say IT WAS WORTH IT.

And lastly, I know this...WATCH OUT FOR COPS WHEN GIVING HEAD IN THE BACK OF YOUR MINIVAN!

BEND ME OVER YOUR DESK AGAIN...PLEASE

Steve told me early on that he had a work fantasy...one that we needed to take care of.

Being how I am, I enthusiastically agreed! He wanted me in his office and bent over his desk. He wanted to go to work and KNOW that he had fucked me there.

The first time it happened, I arrived when it was after his work hours. I was wearing jeans and a shirt, with a black blazer over it. We kissed and touched and kissed some more, and then I got on my knees while he was sitting in his chair and took his hard cock in my mouth. Mmmmm....

Minutes later he told me to pull down my jeans. YES SIR! He knows that I like it (and am turned on) when he gets bossy. Steven turned me around, bent me over his desk, and slid into me (again...a height thing!). As I felt my own pleasure rapidly increasing, he grabbed my hair and gave my ass a nice slap...and I was lost in that orgasmic place that is indescribable. When I came back to reality, I lifted my face up and looked straight ahead. It was then that I realized what Steven was doing.

He was watching the whole thing in the window that was across from me. Don't worry, it wasn't an outside window...just an office window.

He had an excellent view of me, bent over his desk, while he was thrusting in and out of me. And he LIKED it! And so did I! It was so daring, so naughty, and so hot. To know that he would come in to work the next day and remember my bare ass pressed up against him, my hair in his hand, My upper body sprawled across his desk...how amazing is that!? And just to prove how jaded I am, his family picture staring at me didn't phase me for a second. Hey, I have been honest about my "dark" side, right?

He varied his speed, slower, faster, teasing me to another orgasm. When my legs were literally shaking from feeling so good, he whipped me around and informed me that he wanted to cum in my mouth.

NOT ENOUGH NOTICE THERE STEVEN! My shaky legs, lack of warning, and the fact that I had pants around my ankles slowed me down. I knelt down and had my mouth *this* close to his throbbing cock, just in time to take a nice shot down the front of my jacket. I surrounded him with my mouth and caught the rest of the load, meanwhile trying not to laugh. How can you NOT laugh about spastic cum flying at you? Thankfully I had a shirt on underneath and wasn't worried about going home with a mysterious spooge stain on me...

This was the first of several office sex sessions...and I am sure there are plenty more to come. The second time I arrived wearing a dress...Steven had only seen me in pants at this point. I had on a dress that were a couple of his favorite colors on me...the perfect shoes/purse/accessories to go with it, etc. I walked in, and he was excited to see me and to see me dressed up more than normal. When it was after hours and we started messing around he could hardly stand it when he took a peak at what was under the dress. For some reason, the particular thong I had on made him crazy. Never mind that it coordinated with the dress perfectly! Within minutes I was bent over his desk. dress over my hips, and the thong pushed aside while he fucked me, and fucked me GOOD.

The third time was crazier...it wasn't in his office, but was somewhere that is part of his workplace. I can't get into details. I was wearing jeans and a cute sparkly halter top and had plans that evening with girlfriends from childhood. We were going out that night, it was the first time that the three of us had done this in a long time. And, I love these girls, but have always felt inferior with them. Insecure for various reasons. We all live in different cities, etc. SO...I stopped in to see Steven before the girls and I met up. It was one of those times where you just have to have each other, and fast. No messing around, minimal clothes removed, just fast and furious sex. Never mind that it was during the afternoon, a bit riskier, and I had somewhere to be. Let's just say that we weren't anywhere to adequately deal with the aftermath, and I spent the evening with my girlfriends in panties that were soaking wet. AND IT WAS A HUGE TURN ON...it was so naughty! One friend was being her self righteous self, the other was talking about her "almost" affair that she "almost" had, and meanwhile I am sneaking text messages to Steven and can feel the moisture between my legs from our encounter. And I looked at these girls, both skinny, both "supposedly" happily married, both without kids, and for the FIRST TIME I felt like I was the one that was better off.

I looked at one that was unemployed and teetering on the edge of marital issues, and the other that is obviously hiding SOMETHING behind all of her external perfection, and I felt good.

I have boobs and an ass because I am not skinny. I have kids that give me more pleasure than these girls even know is possible. I have a spiritual side that they are lacking. I have accomplished more than I have fucked up. Yes, I have a jacked up marriage, I will give them that, but you know what else I have?

An AMAZING man that has come into my life, and is not only my best friend, but the most amazing lover I have ever had. Someone that is so in tune with me, and we are so in tune with each other, that finishing each other's sentences is common. Someone that understands me like no one ever has. Someone that I am learning with, exploring with, and having fun with. Someone that is showing me what a good relationship feels like. What LOVE feels like.

And I have known that I have all of this in Steven...yet, cum soaked panties while being out with the girls was like a constant reminder. A reminder of what I have, the happiness that I have, the love that I have.

Whatever it takes, right?