THREESOMES

THREESOMES. To have or not to have?

When I was in high school, I made friends with a girl named DJ that was a year older than me. She had parents that were "carnies", and during the carnival season, she was often left home alone. She was 16 at the time.

We immediately hit it off, and were inseparable. I was eager for a new BEST FRIEND...I had maintained my relationships with my best friends from childhood, but high school was so different. And while I had a lot of friends, I didn't have someone that I was super TIGHT with. Until DJ.

My mother immediately loved her...DJ would go to church with our family sometimes, we would stay at each other's houses overnight, we were together all of the time. DJ was very affectionate, at first it made me nervous. She would snuggle up next to me if we were watching TV, was always very touchy with me. It was always while we were alone, never in front of others.

The first thing I found odd was that when I would stay at her house, she would want to share a bed. So, we would sleep in the guest room together. Her parents were never home, we had this great house (they had money...and she was a spoiled only child) to ourselves and it was so FUN. She drove a nice sports car, and I got to drive it too. Her parents left her with plenty of money, she loved buying me gifts. It was exciting, fun, and new. And I thought that I had found the most AMAZING best friend EVER.

Our relationship started slowly...it was almost as if she knew what she wanted, and it was a grooming process with me. She would slowly push a little more affection on me each time we were together, and I wouldn't stop her. The first time she full on kissed me, I didn't object. In fact, I liked it.

Naturally, the relationship progressed. She had never been in a relationship with a female before, and was still a virgin although she had dated boys. I was not a virgin, I had slept with a couple of guys at this point, and continued to date boys.

We did it all. It was a full blown female/female relationship. In my head, it was experimental. Harmless. It was way more than that to DJ. At first, it was fun. We shared clothes, had a great time together, and had this secret sexual relationship on the side. Parts of it were hot, to be completely honest. I found her body attractive. Boobs are fun. She experienced her first orgasm while I was performing oral sex on her. It wasn't nearly as satisfying to me as having a cock in me and a wonderful male body touching me, but it wasn't bad.

A friend of mine invited us over one afternoon, he was out of high school, and we had met through an ex-boyfriend of mine. Somehow, the conversation had turned to sex, and DJ and I decided to borrow some porn movies from him. And at some point, someone suggested that we have a threesome. So...being young and horny, we did. It was weird...parts were hot, parts were not. I think if he would have been someone I was attracted to, it would have been much hotter. And there was no actual intercourse that took place with this...just everything else. I chalked it up to another experiment to add to my resume, and that was that.

My mom invited DJ to live with us for a few months that next spring, while DJ's parents were on the road. My mom couldn't bear the thought of sweet DJ living alone. So, she moved in, and shared my room with me. My younger siblings adored her, and she was very helpful with things at home. She would take my sister to basketball practice, help mom cook, etc. It was all good. Our physical relationship continued, and became a bit obvious. We had to lay low for awhile...I was scared to death. My mom walked in while we were laying in bed together, and my younger sister saw her kiss me once. Things became tense at home, and DJ moved out shortly after. I clearly remembered being in the car with mom, and commenting on a wedding dress in a magazine. She looked at me hard and said "BECOMING A LESBIAN WILL SQUASH YOUR DREAMS OF A WEDDING AND CHILDREN." For being very liberal, and very supportive of her homosexual brother, I was shocked. I was certainly NOT a lesbian, but what if I was? I certainly wouldn't have felt unconditionally supported. I confided in an adult friend of mine, who stabbed me in the back and told my mom that I was confused about my relationship with DJ. To this day I am still angry about this.

Our relationship changed at that point. I knew that she wanted more than I could give her. I knew that what had been "messing around" to me was much more to her. I was distancing myself from her, she was jealous, VERY JEALOUS, of the guys in my life. She became a bit controlling, I wasn't having it. We had AWFUL fights, it was mass drama. It was awful. I was almost depressed. I knew that I was not gay. There was no doubt in my mind. I think that I was, and am, sexually adventurous. I wouldn't go far enough to say that I am bi-sexual, but I would say that I am not opposed to sexual acts with a female. AGAIN, this follows my DABBLING nature.

DJ and I had one last ugly, intense fight, where she got a bit physical with me, and that was it. I was done. My home life was in shambles...my parents were having marital issues, and it was just a bad time for me. It was at that point that I felt like I needed to get away from high school. I cared about my job, my relationship with my boyfriend (now my husband), and that was about it. I elected to take college classes full time that next year, and to just be done with the high school scene.

DJ attempted to contact me repeatedly. I ignored it all. She would leave notes on my car when I was at work, saying that she was sorry, that I was the greatest best friend that she had ever had. It was pathetic to me. I was serious with a guy, working hard, and trying hard to forget her.

When I told my husband about her early on while we were dating, he was a bit bugged by the whole thing. He was quite the homophobe at this time (he still is somewhat). He didn't want the details, and I think that he probably hasn't thought about it much since then. He did meet her when we were first together, and when she started rubbing my leg while sitting next to me, I knew that I couldn't be around the two of them together. Again. And I wasn't.

I didn't hear from her for over 10 years...come to find out she had left the country for 5 years. This past year she contacted me via Myspace. I waited a long time to approve the friend request, and then finally did. I sent her a message saying that I was glad to be her friend online if she was willing to respect my privacy. She has moved back into the area, and I didn't want her showing up at my place of work or anything. She agreed, and was very kind in her reply. So, she has seen my kid's pictures, knows what is going on in my life. And I am okay with that. Not surprisingly, her sexual orientation is listed on her Myspace profile as BI-SEXUAL, and there are pictures of her and another girl posted on there.

What compelled me to write this post was a recent evening with Steven. We had both drank a ton...more than we ever had together. We had fun in our hotel room...sloppy crazy sexual escapades...randomness right and left. At some point, we had a drunken conversation about threesomes that I found very hot. Yes, I had the experience with DJ, and a couple of other situations (see my early postings), but that was different in my head. They weren't planned, with set limits, or rules.

I liked the thought of being with another woman and Steven, under the right circumstances. I don't know how I would feel about him actually having sex with another woman...I think that I could possibly have a hard time with that. As it is, I already get to live with the oh-so-pleasant knowledge that he has sex with his wife when she allows him to. And I am not crazy about that...and he is MARRIED to her for crying out loud. Yet...other stuff might be hot. It is definitely something to think about. It is so RISKY though, because you can't undo it. You can't take it back. It would have to be with just the right person, under just the right circumstances, and with just the right rules in place.

Apparently during this drunken conversation, I told Steven that I would have a threesome with him and DJ. Not sure what to make of that...do I really feel that way? Would I really? WHAT would make me say that to him? It seems so ODD to me now, thinking straight and completely sober.

I would love to hear any thoughts on this...is it worth exploring? Is it better just left alone? Steven and I are so naturally sexually adventurous, that I wouldn't say no to anything with him. So far I have done things that I am amazed by, and have yet to regret something we have done together. In fact, something that I was scared to death to do has now become very hot and exciting to me (watch for a post on this very soon)...so who knows?

As Steve likes to say to me...IF I DON'T KNOW, WHO DOES?