THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO...

I have told Steven numerous times that this blog is a book in progress.

I have spent more time than I will admit scouring the shelves of Barnes and Noble looking for a book that mirrors my situation. NADA. Sure, there are TONS of books on being the VICTIM of extramarital affairs. And I am bothered by most of them...I mean, how many people are really VICTIMS? Yes, there are some people that have spouses that cheat for NO REASON. And I agree that they are victims. HOWEVER, let's just be real honest here...if it is all good at home, why would someone stray? Seriously, having an affair is a lot of fucking work. Why go to the trouble, take the risk, spend the money, and work twice as hard to maintain more than one relationship IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? I mean, I am a motivated and energetic person naturally, but I sure as hell am not so motivated or energetic to seek out something without just cause.

So, there are plenty of books that will talk shit about people like me (THE DREADED HUSBAND STEALING SLUT THAT DOES NAUGHTY THINGS TO YOUR HUSBAND THAT YOU REFUSE TO DO), or people like Steven (THE WIFE STEALING MAN THAT IS EVERYTHING THAT HE ISN'T AND THEN SOME AND YES, HE HAS THE STAMINA OF SOMEONE HALF HIS AGE).

Then there are the books that are about MOVING PAST THE AFFAIR. Forgiveness. Forgetting. The lesson learned. Rebuilding trust. Blah blah blah. I respect these books though, because I do believe that affairs can serve as a LOUD wake up call for marriages. And in a marriage where maybe there were issues, but not an overall bad relationship, this can work. It has not worked for me, but I know people that it has, and more power to both parties for doing the work that comes with rebuilding a damaged relationship.

HOWEVER, I have yet to find a book that reaches out and touches all of the complexities that Steven and I have. Some of the complexities are things that I haven't (or won't) blog about. Some I have blogged about. Some are things that we haven't even encountered yet, but inevitably will.

So...when I joke about this blog being a book, I am also serious. I think that the Internet is a real blessing. People like me are able to peruse blogs, read about other people in similar situations. Read about people in very different situations. To not be judged. We are read by people daily that continue to follow our journey, support our relationship, and we do the same to other people.

If this were a book though, and I needed to dedicate it to someone, I have a list of people that it would be dedicated to. Steven and I have met people along our journey together. Some know our situation. Some probably assume it. Some are most likely clueless. Yet, they are people that remember us, know our names, and the sheer normalcy of being treated like a REAL-LIFE-ACTUAL-COUPLE is indescribable. Right now, today, our relationships with most co-workers, kids, friends, and family are HIS and MINE. Not OURS. So these people, however shallow the relationships are, however surface they are, they are OURS. Our people. Our relationships TOGETHER. As a COUPLE. And that is a beautiful thing.

Those people are:

- T: WORKS AT MOTEL 6, GIVES US GREAT DEALS AND WANTS TO BE OUR FRIEND.

- ALEX: WORKS AT A BAR THAT WE LIKE TO GO TO. YOUNG, CUTE, FRIENDLY, NICE.

- SANDY: GROUCHY OLDER LADY THAT STEVEN SOFTENED. BARTENDER AT A PLACE THAT WE LIKE TO GO TO. STEVEN GOT HER SINGING AND DANCING RECENTLY, AND THIS WOMAN LOVES STEVEN! AND IT CRACKS ME UP!

- HEIDI: ANOTHER BARTENDER. ANOTHER BAR. I SWEAR WE AREN'T ALCOHOLICS.

- TONYA: ANOTHER BARTENDER. WORKS AT A CHINESE RESTAURANT THAT STEVEN CALLS CHINGS, BUT THAT ISN'T THE REAL NAME. SHE MOST LIKELY WENT TO SCHOOL WITH PEOPLE I KNOW, SO STEVEN SHUSHES ME IF I GET TOO CHATTY.

- M: CO-WORKER OF MINE. KNOWS THE SCOOP. TOO DUMB TO REPEAT IT TO ANYONE IF HER LIFE DEPENDED ON IT. SERIOUSLY, SHE IS THAT DENSE.

- S: FRIEND OF MINE. HASN'T MET STEVEN YET, BUT WANTS TO. LEAST JUDGEMENTAL FRIEND I HAVE.

- B: A RELATIVE OF MINE. SHE ISN'T STUPID, AND KNOWS THERE IS SOMETHING GOING ON. HAS NOT ASKED ENOUGH QUESTIONS TO PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER. TRUST HER WITH MY LIFE.

- F: ANOTHER FRIEND. HAS MET STEVEN. MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER COMES AND GOES, BUT I TRUST HER COMPLETELY. WE HAVE BEEN THERE FOR EACH OTHER THROUGH HARD TIMES, AND SHE HAS BEEN IN MY SHOES A TIME OR TWO. IS A GREAT ALIBI IF NEEDED.

It is strange to have this diverse group of people that are a part of US. And today, as I was thinking about this, I realized how TEMPORARY this group is. How we will reach a point where everyone is OURS. Everyone can be a part of US. And while that excites me, what excites me more is getting to the point of being able to THANK these people that we have now. To let them know that we liked knowing their names, and them knowing ours. That we loved that they remembered us when we walked into a bar, and remembered our drinks of choice. That there is SOMETHING MEMORABLE about US. I am fairly convinced that it is Steven that they remember, but it is also US. That it was nice having T know our situation, so that when we get a room at the Motel 6 she knows the deal. Why we are there. I am not a hooker. He is not a pimp. We are normal people, with lives and kids and jobs, and normal people often find themselves in marriages that aren't working.

And lastly, I challenge everyone reading this to think twice about the people you encounter every day. Is that someone like you? Someone in your situation? Whether or not you agree with our situation, and regardless of your own situation, stop and think about it. Steven and I had met at a business park for a few minutes last week...we were both working and snuck off to meet up. And while talking, I saw Steven observing something that was happening in the parking lot. I paid closer attention, and saw a woman get in her car and a man get in his truck. And she drove off. I made eye contact with Steve, and we both got the giggles.

Perhaps we were wrong, but it looked awfully familiar. An awful lot like us. As the man sat in his truck texting someone, Steven speculated that maybe he was messaging his wife, telling her he was running late or something. You never know...but if your situation was a book,WHO WOULD YOU DEDICATE YOUR BOOK TO?