The other night we got a hotel room and spent the evening essentially naked, watching TV, eating pizza, and doing what we do best...loving on each other.
We had our normal fun...played around with some new toys that I had picked up...got all slimy with some new lube.
I commented to Steven at one point that I love something about us. That something is that we can bring things like vibrators to bed, we can do things like pleasure ourselves in front of each other, and neither one of us ever feel threatened. We want the other person to feel good, and if their hand or something that requires batteries is what they need at that moment, then we are all for it.
Early in the evening Steven had joked that we should try to have lame sex just to see if it was possible. Could we have sex that wasn't AMAZING?
I am not sure how we started doing this, but we essentially reenacted what sex with our spouses is like.
I went first, and directed Steven. I told him what my husband does. What he doesn't do. And he did it. At first I was giggly and thought it was weird, but I could see that he was intently trying to understand the experiences that have been a norm in my house for years, so I mellowed out and took my director's job seriously.
Then it was time to switch. This was HARD. He told me what his wife would be doing, saying, and how she would be doing or saying it. I had no issues telling him how my husband would be, and no issues with him reenacting it. I am used to it.
It about killed me to be doing what she would do. To tell him no. To not really kiss back. To not want more. To not want. He was a way better director than I had been, down to the detail, and very serious.
It hurt my heart. It hurt me to see what he has had for years and years. Here is this wonderful man that is the complete package. An amazing, generous, sexy, exciting lover. A hard working, motivated, successful man. A good father. Someone with a broad range of interests, skills, talents. Someone that is so damned adorable and good looking. Someone that is funny, compassionate, adventurous, and kind. Someone that has done some amazing things in his life, dealt with some really hard things, and all of those experiences have made him into someone that you want to get to know...he reaches out and connects with people in a way that I admire so much.
When we were done with our acting, we settled into Steve and Missy lovemaking. And I am on top of him, fighting back an orgasm (I love holding out as long as I can), and I look into his eyes. Look at his sweet face. And I start to cry. Part of it is sadness for the pain that we have both experienced within our marriages, and part of it is from happiness that we have found each other.
It crossed both of our minds that we were nuts for doing this, but agreed that it was beneficial. We both got a really good idea of what the other has dealt with. It was therapeutic. Eye opening. And another level in which we have opened ourselves up to the other person.
When I asked Steven about it the next day, and whether or not he had any feelings on this experience last night, he replied that he felt it was good. He also said that these situations led us to each other, and that the glass is half full. We need to focus on the positive that has come from these crappy marriages. The biggest positives being our kids, and leading us to each other.
I admire his upbeat, positive attitude more than I let on.
Here is the lesson to this story...
If you are in a relationship, and YOU are the cause of less than ideal sex, STEP IT UP or STEP ASIDE.
You NEVER KNOW when your lame sexual behavior will be reenacted by your significant other, with someone else as a willing co-star.
