We have had been asked several questions from readers lately, and instead of commenting individually, I am going to answer them in this post. While most of these have been addressed in previous posts, I realize that newer readers may not have read everything.
1) How do we manage to find so much time together?
We both have flexible job situations. While Steve has a set schedule, he is in a profession where having late meetings and appointments is not unreasonable, and this allows him the ability to use this as an excuse. I work part time, pick my own schedule, and have the ability to come and go as I please the majority of the time. This gives me a tremendous amount of freedom. I also have a handful of friends that make good "excuses", and one of them is aware of my situation and would vouch for me in a heartbeat. I also have a few things that I volunteer time to, and I am able to fudge this a bit as well to allow for more time with Steven. We also work very close to each other, so this makes things like lunch in the park, or quick drop in visits possible. I love this!!
2) Do our spouses suspect anything?
My husband and I have been on the rocks for awhile now. He is aware of 2 of my previous affairs, and prior to meeting Steven, we were seriously discussing divorce. Right now we are at a point where we have agreed that leaving each other is inevitable, but for the sake of our kids and for other reasons (financial), we have decided that separating right this second is not the best situation. Due to the issues that we have had, we came to an agreement a few months ago. We basically have agreed to turn a blind eye to anything that the other is doing, as long as we aren't hurting anyone or being blatant about it. This is really a one sided agreement, as my husband has not expressed any desire to have a relationship with anyone else, yet he knew that he was unable to meet my needs and had no qualms in agreeing to this. If he were to want to pursue something on the side, I would be supportive. Divorce is in our future, but why should we be miserable in the interim? I believe that he is aware that I am having an affair right now. He hasn't asked, nor has he said anything, but he knows me well enough to know that I need more sex than he is providing. This combined with other behavior patterns should paint the picture for him. As far as Steven goes, I don't think that his wife suspects anything. I think that she is grasping the fact that their marriage is in trouble and beyond repair. I think that there may be things that have made her wonder, and there may be things that one that is more in tuned to infidelity would spot from a mile away. However, I think that while things may have not added up here or there, that she believes that Steven is unhappy, and that is the bulk of any issues. The bottom line is that we are both very meticulous about covering our bases, protecting each other, and being smart about our relationship. The goal is that no one gets hurt!
3) Will we leave our spouses?
YES. We have set some goals and time lines, and continually talk about what we want, where we are headed, and how we will get there. While I have really disclosed almost everything in this blog, I won't give out our time lines and goals specifically. It is very personal to me. This is nothing to be taken lightly, and is more complicated than anything I have ever dealt with. We have 6 kids between the two of us, and the ultimate goal is to do this in a way that impacts our kids the least amount possible. We also do not want to screw our spouses over either. They need time to adjust to the thought of this, and we want our ducks in a row. We both have financial goals that we want to accomplish, and while divorce is not an easy thing, we want it to be as easy as possible. The ultimate goal is to impact our kids minimally, maintain good relationships with our current spouses, and do this in a way that isn't ugly. The truth is that we both married people that we shouldn't have. We married people that aren't what we need. They are both good people, with good qualities, and are good parents to our kids. Our goal is for both of us to peacefully untangle ourselves.
4) Where do we see ourselves in the future?
There is no doubt in my mind that we will be together forever. There is no doubt in my mind that we will get married. I have known very few things with such certainty in my life, but this is one of them. We have set some goals for this, thrown some dates out there, and obviously this is all dependent how easy leaving our current situations ends up being.
We appreciate all of our readers, the comments, and the questions. Ask away! This is our journey, and we are glad that you are along for the ride.
Steve & Missy
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