There will never be the right words to tell Steven how I feel about him.
I will never find a Hallmark card that says what I am feeling. I have looked. There isn't a SO GLAD WE ARE HAVING THIS AFFAIR line of cards. Yet. There should be.
He has changed my life. For the better. He has taught me to push my ability to love to the fullest. I am learning to be a more forgiving person. He has taught me the joy of enjoying a meal with someone that you love. I have learned to make mmmmmmmmmmmm noises when food is good.
I have become very comfortable with my body. I appreciate my curves more than I ever have. How can I not when he is so crazy about them?
I have been pushed sexually past any limits I thought were possible. I have done things I never in a million years thought that I would do. And I liked them. I am BRAVE. SO BRAVE. I have learned to relish all that is sexual and sensual.
I have never liked kissing someone as much as I like kissing Steven.
I have never fought with someone the way I can with Steven.
My relationship with him has made me laugh harder, cry more, think bigger, and love more than I thought possible.
We have done so much together in our almost 9 months together. There is so much I still want to do with him. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I imagine us doing various things...big things like trips and small things like shopping.
It is almost hard for me to remember my life before him. And now when I look back at pictures of me before him, the unhappiness is so obvious that it hurts.
He is an amazing man. I admire him so much. I love hearing about him with his kids. I love seeing him with his youngest child. They stopped in to see me at work today and my heart melted watching him being a daddy.
I admire him professionally. He is driven. Hard working. His work voice turns me on (as long as it isn't directed at me!) and I want to know the ins and outs of his job.
I admire him spiritually. He knows a ton. He has pushed me to learn...more about my own beliefs, learn about his beliefs, to question things, to take responsibility for my own knowledge.
I admire him sexually. He is adventurous. He is BRAVE. He is confident. Sexy. Giving. Loving.
Steven is the best thing that has ever happened to me. There are times that I want to hit him. There are times that we fight so bad I could just write him off forever. There are times that we say horrible things to each other. However, when I look at the big picture, I need him.
I need this. I need this relationship more than anything. And sometimes I take it for granted. Sometimes I don't appreciate him, or this relationship like I should. There are times that I don't do or say the right things.
I need to do this right. I need to do whatever I can to make this work. I need to work harder, smarter, faster, and sweeter at this relationship than I have ever worked at anything.
And so I will. I will do this. I will. I can. I can do anything I put my mind to.
And then when I have done that, I will work on talking to HALLMARK about the line of cards for people, and situations, like this. WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR AFFAIR...now available at Hallmark. I can just see it now!
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