Within the first hour of emailing that Saturday, I had sent Steve a picture of me. The next morning, he emailed me three pictures of himself.
It makes me smile now, because he gave me such a good representation of his looks, his style. One picture he was in a tie, the other he was at home, and the other on the beach.
Perhaps I was being shallow...that I was hesitant to be excited until I saw what he looked like. The harsh reality is that having an affair is a modified game to start...you aren't playing by the normal rules. Especially those of us in less than ideal, yet manageable marriages. There has to be a level of attraction...sex is usually a big component, and unless you are drunk it is really hard to enjoy yourself with someone that just isn't your type.
My heart did this little flippy floppy thing when I saw the pictures. He was perfect. I loved everything that I saw...his smile, his eyes, his body, all of it. Now...pictures do not represent his mouth adequately. He has lips and a smile that I get hot thinking about...watching his mouth while he is talking is like foreplay. No joke. That is another story though.
I picked apart the pictures, looking for SOMETHING. Don't most people have one thing or another that they can find on someone that is less than perfect? I wanted to find his flaws. I mean, I know I have them! I couldn't though. Couldn't find a damn thing that I didn't find attractive about him.
After that, I opened up. And in true to myself fashion, I verbally vomited my situation to him in a lengthy email. And he gave me more details about his situation.
By the next day I felt like I had a good handle on Steve. Who he was, what he was about. His kids are a big part of his life, I liked that. He seemed confident, smart, funny, professional.
And so we continued...covering a wide range of subjects from our interests, jobs, hopes, concerns, and so on. I asked him if he went to church, because I do, and it is an important part of my life. When he told me that he did, and it was a large part of his life, I thought that the whole situation was too good to be true. We were both struggling with the same moral issues. Yet, we were both tired of living in less than satisfying marriages. His marriage sounded fine to me, other than a huge difference in sexual needs. I tried to make mine sound as good as possible.
My emails throughout the next day were longer and longer, giving him more and more information about me. I sent him more pictures. And on Tuesday, we exchanged phone numbers and he called me.
I was positively giddy after the call. We didn't talk too long, but it was amazing. We agreed that we were going to meet that next weekend, and we were trying to figure out the details.
Throughout the rest of the week, our emails continued. We were texting and instant messaging as well. We got into every topic possible, sometimes about deeply personal things. I shared about previous affairs (this was hard to do), and he shared about a brief fling that he had with an old girlfriend (I was so glad to hear this. I did NOT want to take his "infidelity virginity".) Steve was so open, and honest. I loved that he was a good communicator. And I loved that he was so upfront with me on things. Wednesday I sent him one that said:
Thank you for your honesty. And for responding to my totally spontaneous CL posting that I did just for the hell of it. With no expectations. You are great. And I am hopeful.
By Friday, we had plans to meet in Sunday, and at some point he told me that he wanted to kiss me. I wanted to kiss him too, badly. I hadn't felt this giddy in who knows how long! And I hadn't even met him in person! Saturday was Valentines Day, and I spent every second that I could sneaking texts to him, thinking about him, and wishing time would fly and the next day would hurry up and be here...
