I have no idea how much of this I'm going to succeed at getting down before the littlest Master of the house wakes up demanding to be fed...lol... but I figured I'd at least start it.
So I spent almost 3 days in the hospital... most of it all by my lonesome, because everyone else had to work or had to tend the other kids, etc. Being alone for that length of time away from home had a real profound affect on me. The problem is, I have no idea how to explain it. I know Master wants to know... He asked last night... and all I could say was "I'm just so greatful to be home" before the tears started. Its an overwhelming thing, and something I am desperately trying to find words to explain.
Before I went into the hospital I was really struggling in a lot of ways. I was overly concerned about not having time with Master once I go back to work, I was feeling lost and confused about our triad relationship... and I was feeling overly hormonal. Being in the hospital mostly erased those feelings. Suddenly none of it mattered anymore.
The best way I can think of is to say... who really cares when I can be here, as long as I can be here. Who cares what happens with my emotions or hormones, so long as I can eventually end up in Master's arms. I know that probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but just knowing that at some point during my day I will return home to Him makes everything else look silly and trivial. I am suddenly very focused on making sure His Kitten gets what she needs and has time with Him to talk or whatever, on her own. Now, to a lot of people, this may sound very passive agressive, but it actually is a burning desire to make sure she is comfortable, happy, and content. Master says its because I love her... and I do, very much. More than I am comfortble with, actually. I know thats a vague statement, but I'm leaving that one there for awhile.
I honestly don't know how to explain what happened at the hospital... and I could ramble for hours trying to convey it, but that is just going to confuse everything more.
