We have pushed and finagled our way into seeing each other quite a bit this week. We are both exceptionally needy right now, yet neither one of us is quick to admit it. Sunday was a hard day, we both had the same realization on the 4th of July...HOLIDAYS ARE HARD. Our contact is limited, we want to be together and aren't able to be.
Sunday was a day of choppy conversations, and to be quite honest, some weren't very nice. We were pushing each other's buttons, and not in a good way. Steven was at our "lake" after he got off work...I had said I was going home but changed my mind. I arrived to find him sitting in his car, looking a bit sad. I walked over to him and just held him for dear life. We need to stop this crap, need to stop the petty fights. We are so damned crazy about each other, but if you take two strong personalities, two people that are wild for each other, and mix in the stress of jobs, families, spouses, and REAL LIFE, sometimes we erupt.
We spend the evening talking, walking on our beach, holding hands, and ended the night with a deep conversation about where we are headed. Our marriages. Our lives.
It was draining, yet energizing if that makes any sense. We needed that talk. We needed to hash things out. We needed to be each other's support system because WHO THE HELL ELSE UNDERSTANDS?
We were able to spend some time Monday together as well...and Tuesday was quite possibly a perfect day. We both left work to have a picnic lunch together, and after I met Steven at his office.
Well, can you guess where that led? That's right...from me sucking on his hard cock while he was sitting at his desk, to him bending me over his desk, to being on all fours on the floor, with him going to town behind me, and finally me whipping around just in time to catch his cum...and catch a little on my face too. Yummers!
After that we went to dinner...Chinese food and drinks. We had a nice mellow time, just enjoying each other.
We finished up the night at the Porn Store...getting a preview room after I made Steve choose the porn. I am HORRIBLE at choosing them! I hate it! It stresses me out...all of those naked people staring at me from the shelves, their breasts, and penises, and girl parts taunting me and I JUST CAN NOT MAKE A FUCKING DECISION! Can you tell that this has caused a dispute in our relationship? Steve PROMISED he would choose the movie this time, so I was game!
We got into our room and started our movie. With the sounds of sex as background noise, we slowly teased and loved on each other...I didn't even realize that we were being slow like that until Steven pointed it out after the fact. He is THE MOST OBSERVANT person. Ever.
We slowly escalated the action to include some great slaps (I seriously feel my self getting wetter when his hand makes contact with my cheek) and a bit of choking action. It was hot, sweaty, amazing sex...we stopped at a convenience store afterwards for drinks and snacks...mmmm...I love red Gatorade after great sex...
Wednesday we met up in the evening at our "lake" and just hung out in my minivan. Played around on my laptop, talked, hung out. Time seems to FLY when we are together. When it got dark, I convinced Steven to get in the back seat and let me give him a blow job. He was nervous...even though our "lake" is at the end of a dead end road...it is still a road, and cars sometimes go down it.
I got back there and took him in my mouth. I was really going at it, seriously not thinking, just enjoying. It was great, really great. All of a sudden Steven gasps and says something along the lines of "SHIT! IT'S A COP!"
He zips his pants and I am sitting, SCARED TO DEATH, on the floor of the van. The cop pulls around, and BEAMS HIS SPOT LIGHT IN THE BACK OF MY VAN. I am seriously terrified. I mean, we are in the back of a minivan. My van has a STUDENT OF THE MONTH STICKER from my son's school on it. We are in our 30's. REALLY? This is HAPPENING? I felt the exact same way when I was in a similar situation at 17. WHAT THE HELL? Affairs can REGRESS you in so many ways.
Steven smiled and waved at the cop, who strangely drove off. It took a few minutes for my heart rate to return to normal, and that ended the blow job action for the evening. Damn cop. Really. I was having fun!
I know it sounds amazing the amount of time that we have had together this week. It has been wonderful. It has also highlighted some things, at least for me.
I am avoiding my real life to an extent. I am functioning at a surface level in so many areas right now. I have stresses that are huge...and none have anything to do with Steven. He has the same. We have both agreed that this can't continue like it is. We both had unrealistic expectations of managing this double life for years and years. It is exhausting. It is hard work. It is stressful.
Is it worth it? Yes, right now, yes, it is worth it. Long term can I keep this up? No. I can't. The deeper we get into this, the harder things are. Holidays are harder. When one of us has sex with our spouse it is hard. When our contact is limited it is hard.
What I know to be true, right this minute, is that I am madly in love with Steven. A love like no love I have previously felt. And just when I think I can't possibly love him any more than I do, something shifts and I love him more!
And what I also know, is that my life changed the second I met him. And every second since, even the hard ones, are precious.
I also know that there will be a point that we look back and say IT WAS WORTH IT.
And lastly, I know this...WATCH OUT FOR COPS WHEN GIVING HEAD IN THE BACK OF YOUR MINIVAN!
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