There was a comment left on one of my previous entries about the break-up. I have received several emails all saying the same thing as the comment left. Quite a few people expected a much different reaction from me when the break up happened....
It didn't happen that way, because I chose not to. I waited days before posting anything about it because I didn't want to say things that didn't need to be said. I wanted to be sure that what I did say was as fair and as accurate as possible. I also wanted to minimize the emotion behind it. Emotion can cause people say and do things they never intended to do. Yes, I was in love with her. And yes, the break up hurts... and it was really hard trying to deal with my own feelings and emotions with her still living here. It turns out tho, that it was easier to move on than I thought it would be. Certain situations that played out during the actual break up taught me a lot about where we all are at this point in our lives. Situations since then have taught me a lot about what I'm needed for right now.
I am not sure why she chose to close her blogger. I only found out when she sent me an email that simply said she shut it down. I don't know if she's making sure to completely disassociate with us, or if she needs that break to heal. We don't communicate much and right now I really think its for the best. Staying a step back is giving me more insight than I think I would find if I was fighting to keep up a relationship at all. Her and Master have a weird sort of "Daddy/daughter" non sexual relationship going on right now. Her and I are roommates... something she chose almost a month ago.
Sometimes we learn things about ourselves while we are sifting through the dust of a shattered relationship. This is definitely one of those cases. I know that Master and I are poly minded, and for a few short weeks we saw how amazing poly can be and how perfect it felt. We are not giving up on our dream for a poly relationship, but we're in no rush. I also learned that sometimes, loving someone really isnt enough of a reason to make a relationship work with someone who isnt interested in really trying.
There isn't a whole lot more to say on the subject... I consider it over. I have no idea how anyone else considers it. Its just not a subject that we discuss around here. Master and I are moving on with our life in whatever direction it takes us, and I assume she's doing the same. She may still live here but there is no communication going on and right now that is the way I prefer. I don't wish her any harm, and I'm still doing everything I can for her to make sure she has what she needs. Master and i still cover all the bills, and we do what we can to make sure she is able to get enough sleep and there is food in the house for her. We just want her to be happy ultimately.
This is more than likely going to be last post about the breakup. Truth be told, I don't really spend too much time thinking about it anymore. I have a wonderful Master, 3 perfect children, 3 of the best friends a girl could ask for, the job I've always wanted, and school. I prefer to live my life in the real world... in there here and now.